


Broken Wings

by knitekat



Category: Primeval
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Alternate Universe - Dark, Angst, Character Death Fix, Dubious Consent, F/M, Fix-It, Het, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slash, Tags Are Hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-11 02:39:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 26,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1167653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knitekat/pseuds/knitekat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A personal tragedy leads Ryan to re-evaluate his life and start a journey through the anomalies in search of a brighter future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Business As Usual

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fredbassett](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fredbassett/gifts).



> Beta-ed by Fififolle

Ryan pulled into the ARC car park and smiled; for all the chaos of this posting he was glad to be back, even if, knowing Lyle, he was likely to come back to a desk full of paperwork. Strolling into the atrium, Ryan couldn't help but notice that Connor's now half-built machine dominated the space; Connor must have been working on it every spare minute he had. Ryan was slightly surprised over the mess Connor had left behind – not that Connor had left it, but that James had not made a scene over it. Ryan assumed that Connor's claim his machine would detect anomalies as soon as they opened – before a creature could come through – had been enough to stop James' renowned obsession with neatness. Ryan smiled, at least for the time being. Personally, Ryan couldn't have cared less over the mess, all he cared about was if it worked. If it did, if they could get to an anomaly before a creature came through, it would make Ryan's life so much easier. 

He grinned when he noticed the professor and his assistant standing rather too close together for propriety. It certainly made his life one hell of a lot easier now those two had stopped circling each other and admitted their feelings. His grin grew as he recalled that Helen had not been impressed; she had turned up expecting Stephen to fall into her arms, and her plans, as eagerly as a puppy greeting its owner. Apparently, her expression on finding Stephen in bed with the professor, obviously post-coital, had been worth every inconvenience Helen had ever caused them.

Talking of lovers reminded Ryan he needed to report in ready for duty and he strolled up the ramp towards James' office. He slowed as he reached the top and saw Leek watching James intently – rather too intently for Ryan's peace of mind. At least, Leek did until he noticed Ryan and scurried back to his own office. Ryan didn't like or trust the man, but he half-suspected it was because of Leek's interest in James. Bloody hell. Didn't he know he had no chance with James?

James' amused voice broke through Ryan's musings. “Are you coming in, Ryan, or just admiring the view?” 

“It's a bloody lovely view,” Ryan muttered as he took in James, all suited and booted and Ryan decided to fuck propriety. He stepped inside the office and tugged on James' tie to coax his lover out of his chair and into Ryan's arms. They exchanged a languid kiss until a cleared throat had Ryan jump backwards. 

“Did you want something?” James sounded remarkably calm for a man just caught snogging with his boyfriend. Far calmer than Ryan felt as he turned around to see who it was, although he relaxed when he realised it was Claudia rather than Leek who had caught them. 

“Sorry for interrupting, James,” Claudia waved her phone, “but Connor's just called in. He's picked up radio interference. He and Abby have gone to investigate and will call back if they find anything.”

James just blinked at her for a moment. “Radio interference?”

“Yes, sir. Professor Cutter's theory that the anomalies interfere with a particular radio frequency...” Leek must have sidled unnoticed into the room behind Claudia, at least Ryan hoped he had. The thought of Leek watching them snog didn't appeal to him, the oily little man would probably get off on it. 

“I do remember that conversation, Leek.” 

Leek seemed to retreat into himself and Ryan almost felt sorry for him, sorry for his earlier thoughts. The man had just set his sights too high when he had become interested in James. Ryan sighed softly before hurrying to catch James up as his lover started to walk down the ramp to the atrium. Claudia's phone rang and James' voice was filled with irritation, “Well, Ms Brown. Any further thrilling updates from Connor?”

Claudia nodded and paled as she listened to Connor on the phone. “Oh.” 

James paused on the ramp and turned to face Claudia, his eyebrow quirked as he enquired, “Ms Brown?”

James wasn't the only one who didn't like the sound of Claudia's comment. Ryan had the feeling he'd soon be out in the field against who knew what kind of annoyedosaurus. 

“There's a mammoth on the M25.” 

Ryan could hear the disbelief in Claudia's voice and didn't blame her. He had no idea how they'd manage to cover up a bloody mammoth on one of Britain's busiest motorways. 

“A what?” James groaned. “My worst nightmare, in one sentence.” 

James must have had the same thought as him and if they weren't in public, Ryan would have reassured his lover, but he knew James wouldn't appreciate being kissed in public, certainly not in front of his employees.

“It's a Columbian mammoth,” the professor called up to James. 

Ryan's lips twitched as James barked back, “The flavour is immaterial.” The professor definitely had the knack when it came to irritating James, and Ryan was convinced he did it on purpose. 

Leek obviously wanted to look useful as he chipped in with, “The Columbian mammoth was a hairless species, sir,” although Ryan did wonder where he got his apparently useless bits of information from. He was supposed to be a civil servant after all, not an expert in the prehistoric. 

“Look, I don't care if it's shaved its legs and got a bikini wax, it's on a busy motorway in broad daylight.”

“No, it isn't, James.” Claudia earned herself another quirked eyebrow for that comment and quickly clarified at James' silent query, “Connor says the area is clear. Something about it being closed for repairs.”

James breathed out a relieved sigh. “Good. Let's keep it that way. Cutter, gather your team and meet Connor and Abby at the anomaly. Captain Ryan, take a full team. I want no problems and especially no media.”

“Yes, sir.” Ryan snapped a salute and smothered his grin when Stephen winked at him. 

“Are you still here? Chop, chop, ladies and gentlemen. There is a mammoth waiting for you.”

***

Claudia proved her worth once more as she got the ARC convoy past the barriers and down the slip-road onto the motorway with the minimum of effort. Ryan quirked an eyebrow at her as she resumed her seat beside him in the lead vehicle.

“I merely repeated Abby's story of a report of an escaped animal,” Claudia answered his unspoken question. 

Ryan nodded as he drove down onto the motorway. It was bloody eerie with no other vehicles tearing down the tarmac. Thinking of what lay ahead of them, Ryan had never been so happy to see the fast-breeding traffic cones and lack of workmen on a closed stretch of motorway than he was now. Connor waved at them from Abby's parked car and pointed towards the anomaly flickering on the hard shoulder and the huge and loudly trumpeting mammoth.

Lyle muttered over the radio, “Do you think he thinks we can't see them?”

Ryan snorted as they parked the vehicles up and his men set up the defensive perimeter. He smiled as he saw the professor's face. The man was in his element, his voice awed as he said, “Oh, you beauty.” The professor took a few steps towards the mammoth as he continued his explanation, “It's the biggest elephant that ever lived. They were still running around North America until about 8000 years ago.”

Ryan cleared his throat. It might all be interesting, but they had a job to do. “Professor. How would you recommend dealing with it?”

“He,” Abby said as she joined the group as the mammoth trumpeted again and reared up, his feet thumping back onto the tarmac. “He's a he. He's a herd animal and he can't smell his mates.” Abby turned to face Ryan. “He's missing his herd and getting agitated. Get your men back, Ryan, they're making him nervous.”

“We're making _him_ nervous?” Ryan muttered before signalling his men to pull back. 

“We have to get the mammoth back through the anomaly somehow,” Abby said thoughtfully before smiling. “I have an idea. I won't be long.” Abby dashed off to her car and drove off at speed. 

Ryan quirked an eyebrow, “Professor?”

The professor shrugged. “Abby's our animal expert, Ryan.” 

Ryan nodded and called James with an update. He smiled as he hung up, James had sounded so relieved when he had reported that no one was around to witness the incursion. Ryan knew his lover was imagining the publicity nightmare if someone had been around to see it. Unlike most of the team, he also knew James was imagining the same as he was: the chaos it could have caused if the motorway had been opened. Even worse if, as normal, it had been a bumper-to-bumper traffic jam. The carnage and property damage the mammoth could have caused would have been immense, not to mention a publicity nightmare.

Abby's return distracted Ryan from his thoughts and he frowned as she passed the professor a container. As the professor walked towards the mammoth, spraying whatever was inside on the ground, Ryan nodded towards him and asked Abby, “What did you give him?”

“It's female elephant urine.”

Ryan grinned at her response before asking, “He'll follow it?” He couldn't keep the incredulity out of his voice. 

Abby nodded. “He's missing his herd and he's going to want to follow the scent of another elephant.” At Ryan's quirked eyebrow she grinned, “There's a safari park one junction down.” 

Ryan frowned as he watched the professor carefully approach the agitated mammoth. He tightened his grip on his weapon and moved into a better position in case Abby's plan didn't work. James wouldn't be impressed if the professor was trampled, no matter how much the man annoyed him. 

“It will work, Ryan,” Abby called out softly. “Nick can lead him back through the anomaly.” 

“Are you sure?”

Abby shrugged. “It's worth a go.”

Ryan nodded and ordered his men to stand ready in case the mammoth didn't follow the trail back to the anomaly. Ryan smiled when the mammoth flexed its trunk towards the professor and rumbled. The mammoth's ears flapped as he almost ran towards the professor and had the man running towards the anomaly. The professor threw the container through and dived for one side as the mammoth charged past him and through the anomaly. Ryan sighed with relief as the anomaly flickered shut behind it. Bloody hell, that had been close. James would be impressed by Abby's thinking outside the box, especially as it meant he wouldn't have to find a home for the creature at the ARC; not that James would let her know.

***

Claudia called James to inform him the mammoth had returned to its time and the anomaly had closed. She had frowned slightly and sighed as she finished her call. “Sir James wants the whole area checked for other creatures.”

Ryan groaned softly, they would be here for several hours as Stephen and Finn checked and double-checked for tracks. He knew James was only following procedure, but did the man really think they'd really miss another bloody big mammoth? Bloody red tape, James seemed to thrive on it and Ryan sometimes wondered why he had ever fallen for a bureaucrat. He smiled, well, apart from the obvious, of course. Meanwhile, since he had nothing else currently occupying his attention, Ryan decided he could spend the time rather more productively in thinking about what he and James could get up to on honeymoon in the Caribbean. He was determined to introduce James to snorkelling and any other reasonably safe activity he could think of. Even if he had to drag James into participating or, Ryan grinned, blow his mind until James agreed. Of course, their nights would be full of other activities, other very enjoyable and energetic activities. 

Ryan's pleasant musings were interrupted by the sight of Stephen and Finn returning, dirty but smiling. Good, they hadn't found traces of any other intruders. Now all he had to do was write up his report and see if James could be convinced to leave on time. Ryan smiled, he was sure he could be very persuasive.

***

Ryan sighed and stretched as much as he could in the cramped confines of the ARC vehicle. He knew he should have expected tailbacks with the bloody motorway closed, but they hadn't moved for the past half-hour and barely faster than a snail the half-hour before that.

By the time the three vehicles had crawled through the rush hour traffic and turned into the street outside the ARC, Ryan was seriously considering leaving his report until the morning. James might grouse about it, but Ryan was sure he could convince James of the merits of his plan. Ryan's smile faded as they drove through the open gates of the ARC. Where the hell was security? Anyone could have just walked into the ARC. “Blade, Finn. Check out the gate.”

Lyle's voice crackled over the radio. “Boss. My thumbs are itching like mad.”


	2. Into The ARC

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and the others enter the ARC and everything changes.

Ryan paced impatiently as he waited for Blade and Finn to return, he didn't need Lyle's thumbs to tell him something was wrong. He felt torn between his instincts and his duty, every part of his heart demanding he found James and found him now, every bit of military training telling him to wait for intelligence. 

His tension grew when Blade and Finn returned a few moments later with the news that the gatehouse was unmanned, but there was no sign of a struggle. It was just deserted; as if the guards had just stepped out for a moment and had expected to return. Ryan swore softly and shot Lyle a glance, he felt a cold shiver down his back as his second was still itching his thumbs. Ryan turned to the civilian members of the team. “Professor, I want you and the rest of your team to go to...” Ryan trailed off as he tried to think of somewhere the civilians could go, who knew if their safe-houses were still safe? Ah, that might be an possibility, at least it was public and hopefully who ever had done this to the ARC wouldn't try anything there, maybe. “Go to the Fox and Hound and stay there.” When the professor looked as if he wanted to disagree, Ryan added, “Please, sir. We'll need to move fast.” 

The professor glanced at Stephen before he turned back to Ryan and nodded. “Ach, lad. Go find Lester, we'll be good.” He turned to his team, “Right, you heard Ryan.” Cutter paused just before he climbed into the Hilux. “Good luck, Ryan.”

Ryan nodded thanks and waited impatiently for his team to finish reloading their weapons and assemble in front of him. “Gentleman. Treat this as a potential hostage situation. Verify your targets before engaging. Ready?” Once every man had confirmed his readiness, Ryan took a deep calming breath. “Entry team, go.”

The lobby of the ARC was as silent and empty as the gatehouse had been. The soldiers fanned out to cover all approaches as they waited for Ryan's orders. “We'll make for the atrium. Full alert, lads.” Ryan wanted, needed to be there now, but it wasn't good tactics to rush into what might very well be a trap. He had to take this slowly, no matter how much his heart clenched in fear. If there were terrorists (Helen, his mind helpfully supplied) involved, charging in might get the hostages (James) killed. 

The emergency lighting flickered on and off, throwing threatening shadows and transforming the familiar into the alien. It was making the soldiers edgy and Lyle's constant itching of his thumbs wasn't helping. They were jumping at the slightest hint of danger and only their years of training kept their fingers off the trigger until they had a verified target. 

Kermit swung around to cover a side corridor to allow the rest of the team to safely move past. When he suddenly dropped into a crouch, the soldiers halted and covered every direction for hostiles. Kermit slowly crept down the corridor with his finger tugging lightly on the trigger of his rifle. Everyone held his breath as Kermit's cautious advance stopped and he crouched down to check something on the floor. He shook his head and returned to his fellow soldiers, his face paler than usual.

“Kermit?” Ryan whispered. 

Kermit shook his head. “He's dead, sir.”

Ditzy looked up, his voice pitched low as he reached for his medical kit, “Are you sure?”

Kermit nodded. “He's bled out. Whatever did it gutted him. Looks like a creature attack, boss.”

Ryan cursed quietly. If reasoning with terrorists was hard, with creatures it was impossible. He took a deep calming breath, he needed to think clearly if he was to be any help to James. He nodded to his men and they cautiously continued their advance down the corridor in the same leap-frog manner – the ones at the front covering those who pushed further down the corridor. The process repeated as they penetrated deeper into the ARC. An ARC that was much too silent and deserted for Ryan's peace of mind. How the hell had creatures penetrated ARC security? Where was everyone? Where was James?

The silence was shattered by a burst of gunfire which had every soldier tightening his grip on his weapon and speeding up his careful progress towards the atrium. A sudden cut-off scream filled the air and they all paused for a heartbeat, listening intently for another sound but only silence reached their ears. Then Ryan was off. He raced down the corridor, fear and adrenaline giving him the extra speed to outpace his men. He didn't bother to check if the door to the atrium was locked, he just kicked it open and charged inside. 

Ryan skidded to a stop, his eyes wide as he took in the scene instantly. Blood splattered everything. The remains of a once white lab-coat covered what was left of some poor member of staff. The dark alien-form of a Future Predator lay sprawled over a table, its blood slowly dripping to form a congealing pool beneath its taloned hand. The chitters of others of its kind filled the air. Ryan swung his weapon up but couldn't locate a target, the sounds seemed to be coming from everywhere. 

A dark shape detached itself from a gantry and leapt at Ryan. He felt its claws snag on his tac-vest as he threw himself to the floor, sliding on his back with his legs akimbo as he fired into the face of the snarling creature. He kept firing until it fell, its head a bloodied mess. 

Ryan scanned the room for immediate threats as he slowly regained his feet. He could hear the heavily booted feet of his men pound into the room behind him and then the harsh bark of gunfire as they engaged the enemy. His world narrowed and his heart skipped a beat as he spotted the dark suit-clad leg sticking out from behind the anomaly detector Connor was building. The form didn't move, even with the sounds of combat echoing around the atrium. He slowly approached the machine, almost afraid to see what might lie behind it, but he had to see, he had to know. 

Ryan edged around the detector and swallowed hard, he let his gun drop from nerveless fingers to swing from its strap. His eyes glued to the tableau in front of him, Ryan didn't notice the discarded and bent rifle and stumbled over it. Everything was painted in red. There was too much blood. His lover's once pristine shirt was ripped and torn, flashes of what a horrified Ryan recognised as blood-smeared bone showing through. The pale blue shirt of only this morning now stained red. The thought that James would never be able to wear it again shot through Ryan's mind as his legs buckled and his knees slammed painfully into the cold, hard floor. He reached out a tentative hand and gently stroked James' blood-matted hair out of his eyes, his voice cracking as he begged, “James? Please, James. Open your eyes. Please, love.” 

Ryan swallowed hard and managed what he hoped was a confident smile when James barely opened his pain-glazed eyes. Ryan's heart clenched in fear when James moaned and grimaced in pain as blood dribbled from his mouth. He found himself breathing in time with each ragged inhale and exhale James managed, the gap between each slowly lengthening as more blood trickled and bubbled out of James' mouth.

Ryan carefully pulled James as gently as he could into his arms, apologising softly when James gasped in pain. He pressed a kiss against his lover's hair, ignoring both the taste of blood on his lips and the blood that soaked his combats. Too much blood. He was barely even aware that the shooting had stopped or that Ditzy now knelt beside him. He watched almost in a daze as Ditzy pressed two fingers against James' neck, feeling for his pulse, but Ryan refused to meet Ditzy's gaze before the medic turned to his kit. He knew what he'd see in the medic's eyes and he wanted to deny the inevitable for as long as possible. He merely held James tight in his arms and rocked him gently as he whispered soothing nonsense in his ear. 

James bit back a cry of pain as he reached a shaky bloody-splattered hand out to caress Ryan's face. His voice was a pained gasp.“Tom.” 

Ryan pressed his fingers to James' lips. “Shh, love. Don't try to speak. Save your strength.”

James' attempt at a chuckle sent more blood dribbling down his chin. His voice was hoarse as he spoke haltingly, every word forced out accompanied by yet more blood. “Don't.” He stroked a finger across Ryan's face, leaving a sticky trail of blood. “I... know... I'm... dying.”

Ryan shivered. There was no hiding from the truth now. He wanted to make every one of these last few moments count, to tell James he loved him, but he couldn't force the words from his mouth. His heart was still clinging to hope even though his mind told him there was none. 

James smiled softly even though he was now fighting for every breath. “Waited... for... you...” James' voice was faint and Ryan had to lean closer to hear his words. “Wanted... tell... you...” Blood sprayed with each word as James forced the words out. “Love... you... Tom...” Every word was a tremendous effort for James and left him lying exhausted in Ryan's arms as he stared into his eyes, seeming to look deep into Ryan's soul as if to sear those words there for all time.

A harsh, wracking cough had Ryan tighten his hold on James as his lover choked and sprayed bright red blood over all of them. He nodded gratefully to Ditzy as the medic pressed a morphine auto-injector against James' arm, hearing his lover sigh as the pain eased from his face, although every breath was still a struggle for him.

Ryan found himself gazing deep into James' eyes, adding every bit of will he could to that look of love and need. “I love you too, James.” Ryan felt helpless as he listened to the rattle in James' chest grow and watched his lover struggle harder and harder to breathe. “I always will, James. To the end of time.” He watched as James' eyes glazed and dulled. He listened as the gap between each torturous gasp grew longer and longer and... he heard the rattle in James' chest and then... silence. 

Ditzy reached over to check James' pulse and bowed his head. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” He reached out and clasped Ryan's shoulder. “Ryan.”

Ryan pulled James tight against his chest as he rocked. He raised his tear-streaked face to the sky and screamed. This couldn't be.


	3. Saying Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan has to say goodbye to Lester... and then starts a new journey.

Ryan was numb, he merely existed. He got up, ate what was put in front of him and slept. He woke each night with a denial on his lips. Cold sweat covered his skin as his heart hammered in his chest. He panted and gasped and finally collapsed back into his borrowed, and empty, bed. Ditzy and Claire had proven to be true friends, Ryan didn't know what he'd have done without them. He didn't think he could return to his and James' flat. Everything was a reminder of what should have been but wasn't. Especially the post. Oh, Ryan knew Claudia and Claire had done their best to hide it from him, but even if he couldn't see it, he knew it was there. The RSVPs, quickly answered and equally quickly followed by the condolences. He stayed inside his room in Ditzy's house when he could, remembering James and denying his loss to the world. 

At least until night fell, when he lay alone in his bed and the nightmares came. They all started the same, him and James, together, in love, happy and alive. Last night's had been typical; he and James had been enjoying snuggling in bed, Ryan had been so happy and then the kiss tasted of blood and Ryan's hands encountered wet warmth. His eyes had opened in shock and he'd seen the look of pain and confusion in James' as blood bubbled from his mouth. Ryan found himself kneeling in blood, so much blood as James reached for him. Asking for help and all Ryan could do was look at him, unable to move a muscle as he watched James die in front of him, night after night. 

He'd woken with a scream and found himself shaking in Claire's arms, so it really hadn't surprised him when he'd been forced to attend the opening of the ARC's new science block later that day. But, really, laboratories; what did he care about them? Ryan's eyebrow quirked as he realised just how many of the ARC personnel were present and he felt a flicker of unease. An unease that grew when he noticed Cutter's nod as the man climbed onto the stage and Ryan almost felt the hush that fell over the crowd. 

“Ladies and gentlemen.” Cutter cleared his throat. “I wish we were here under happier circumstances and that James Lester could be performing this opening ceremony as planned.”

Ryan blinked back his tears and felt Claudia squeeze his arm at Cutter's reminder of his loss. He wished he could leave but Claudia's grip never faltered and he couldn't bring himself to pull free. He could only stand and listen as Cutter continued his speech and reminded him of his loss.

“James was a man I had difficulty dealing with when I first joined the project. I found him opinionated, stubborn and a bureaucrat interested only in the bottom line.” Cutter laughed, “I imagine he found me just as difficult. Over time, I came to see a different side to him. Loyal, dedicated to this project and his staff. A man who would do what was right, not necessarily what was expedient to his career. He became a respected colleague and, I believe, he would have become a friend. So, in his memory and honour, it is my great privilege to name this new building, 'The James P. Lester Laboratories'. May we always strive to follow in James' footsteps and do what is right and not what is easiest.”

Ryan found his vision blurred by his unshed tears as the crowd stood and clapped as Cutter unveiled the name plaque. James had been no more a scientist than Ryan had, but this dedication was truly heart-warming, to know that James had been loved and would be remembered; it helped Ryan to get through his days, if not his nights. 

***

The day of the funeral was all blue sky and sunshine. Ryan knew it would have been the perfect day for their original plans. Now... Ryan wasn't sure he could face the hardest day of his life. He moved mechanically, accepting the hands to shake and the restrained hugs from various people. The tearful hug from James' mother almost cracked Ryan's composure, but he could almost convince himself that it had all been a terrible nightmare until he saw the coffin. Closed, of course. He stared at it as if he could make it vanish, make James return to him alive and well by sheer force of will. 

Lyle finally nudged him and said, “Boss. It's time.” Ryan nodded and took his place beside his men as they carried James into the church. He swallowed as he suddenly noticed the number of people who had filled its pews. So many people who had come to say goodbye to James, when they should have been celebrating their life together as Ryan and James exchanged their vows. Ryan would never really know how he had got through that day but he had spent the night getting totally and absolutely sloshed, courtesy of his lads. 

***

Ryan had thrown himself back into work after the funeral, no matter how much Ditzy or Claudia had tried to get him to take time off. He needed to work, he had to work, if for no other reason than in James' memory. Claudia had taken over the everyday running of the ARC, but Ryan had heard the whispers of someone of sufficient seniority being given the helm. Ryan just hoped whoever it was would prove worthy of James. 

Ryan closed his eyes when Claudia informed him of their new CO. He knew the name, he'd heard James curse the name of Christine Johnson more than once. Bloody hell, the last person James would have wanted in charge of his ARC. He sighed, he'd had worse bosses. He just hoped she let them do their jobs. 

It took less than a day for Johnson to ruffle the feathers of the collective ARC. She hadn't wasted any time in taking over, calling a general meeting and informing everyone the lackadaisical days of the ARC were now over. She had ordered Ryan home on medical leave and put her own man in charge of the SF teams. 

A few days later, Ryan had to be restrained by Ditzy and Lyle before he stormed into the ARC and hit Johnson, even if he had never raised a hand to a woman before in his life. The bloody bitch had tried to wipe James' memory from the ARC. Thank god for that stubborn Scottish madman, the professor had stood up to Johnson and point-blank refused to comply with the 'request' to rename the new science block, informing her it was a scientific matter, not a military one.

Ryan knew he'd never return to the ARC now, Johnson would see to it. His last link with James would be gone. His team under someone else's command, and Ryan had heard enough of Captain Wilder to know he was a bloody bastard. He also knew there was nothing he could do about it. 

***

Ryan took a month to consider his options. He spent his days beside James' grave, his fingers tracing the words on the headstone as he poured his heart out to James. He could remain at the ARC serving under Wilder, in the extremely unlikely event of Johnson letting him return to work there. But the thought of taking orders from her after what she'd tried to do was just too galling for Ryan to even contemplate. He could request a transfer to another operation, far away from England and the memory of James. But that felt like giving up on James and all they had meant to each other. Or he could walk through an anomaly and continue walking until he found James again. 

It had been the professor who had first given Ryan the idea with all his mad talk about his bloody wife changing the present by changing the past. That Claudia Brown should have been this other woman, Jenny Lewis. Ryan had overheard Connor prattling on about parallel worlds, that the professor who had returned through the Forest of Dean anomaly might not have been the one who they had sent through it. Connor had suggested the two men might have, somehow, exchanged worlds. Ryan hadn't understood most of what Connor had said, but he was fairly certain no-one else had either. The one thing Ryan did understand was that, somewhere out there, James Lester – or at least his lover under a different name – was still alive.

Those words burned in his mind and haunted his every waking moment. With every report of the changes Johnson was making, the bonds Ryan felt for this world faded. Every night, the nightmares woke him, panting and gasping and desperately crying out for James. He knew he had to try and find James, even if it cost him his life. After all, Ryan knew he had merely been going through the motions once James had died. His own life had truly ended with James' last painful gasp. 

***

Ryan's mind had been made up for weeks and he had informed a select few friends of his intentions and had received their backing, reluctantly in some cases. It had been Cutter and Connor who had suggested he left through the Forest of Dean anomaly, they knew it was possible to survive in that era. Mostly, though, if Connor's theory of parallel worlds was correct (and Connor promised him it was), then that era had an anomaly which lead to Cutter's origin world – somehow, somewhere – and possibly to James himself. It was a possibility that Ryan clung to in the weeks he had waited for the anomaly to open and put his plan into action. 

Ryan had kitted up and sneaked into the back vehicle of the ARC convoy, sandwiched between Blade and Ditzy. He had tried to make himself invisible as they set up around the anomaly, keeping his cap pulled down and his back to the new military members of the ARC. His own men (no matter what the official line was, they were his) managed to move things around to conceal his presence. Stephen even managed to find tracks to follow and for once Ryan was glad a creature had come through, it would serve to distract Wilder and his men. Lyle had stepped forwards to accompany Stephen before he was ordered to stay with the vehicles like a naughty schoolboy. Wilder sent his own men out with Stephen, even deeming to accompany them himself. Ryan and his co-conspirators breathed a collected sigh of relief as Johnson's men took the bait. 

Ryan found himself engulfed in a hug from Abby, before the rest of the team hugged or shook his hand or saluted him. Ryan saluted everyone before he shouldered his pack and, pausing to take one final look at his world, stepped through into the past. 

The warm air surrounded him and Ryan paused to look around, mountains rose in the distance and patchy vegetation sought a foothold in the sandy soil. Rex's cousins flew about over the backs of something that didn't look at least turtle like but apparently was... he racked his brain for a moment before remembering Connor had called it a Scutosaurus, harmless unless threatened. 

Ryan suddenly realised he'd been standing gaping just the other side of the anomaly and set off at a jog. He needed to put as much distance between him and the anomaly as possible, just in case Wilder sent someone through to look around. If he was lucky it would be his people, but Ryan couldn't take that chance – especially if Wilder realised he'd gone through and came looking for him. He snorted, it was more likely Johnson and Wilder would be glad to see the back of him. His steps faltered for an instant, was he betraying his people leaving them to deal with Johnson? Did they think he was? Ryan shook his head. No, they'd had plenty of time to talk him out of it, hell, the professor had even encouraged him to find James. Ryan snorted as he remembered the man's words, “Go find James, lad. You're not whole without him.” The professor's eyes had focused on Stephen for a moment before meeting Ryan's again. “I'd do the same.”

Taking a deep breath and settling his pack on his back, Ryan set off across the Permian landscape and the first base camp the ARC had discovered long before Ryan had joined the project. He didn't look back at the anomaly, that world was no longer his.

***

Ryan cautiously entered the camp the professor and the previous captain had found on their first trip through an anomaly. He could clearly see traces of the fight that had occurred here, blood speckling the rocks and the ground was churned up. He knew he'd come through days, maybe even just hours after the events that had occurred over a year ago. He tightened his grip on his rifle as he realised that Helen might still be nearby, assuming she hadn't found the future anomaly and gone through it. He paused before rooting through the supplies left behind, he would need them more than these poor souls buried in this forgotten place. He walked to the graves and stood to attention, saluting the brave men who had died her for Helen's vanity. He swore over their graves, as he had over James', that he would stop Helen and Leek, stop their madness and the deaths they caused, even at the cost of his own life. 

Ryan took one final look at the graves before he turned his back on the last remnants of his old life. He strolled deeper into the Permian, he had a mission to complete, a James to find.


	4. Into The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan's journey through the anomalies continues.

Ryan sighed softly as he surveyed his makeshift camp – he hadn't wanted to set up near the original camp and not only out of respect for the dead or worry that the local top predator might return. Who knew if Helen would return to it or what would happen if he was there when the professor first stepped into the past? He wasn't totally sure what would happen, but Connor had made it sound bad. Very bad and very confusing. 

He rubbed his hands across his face and grimaced. After several days in the Permian he was in desperate need of a bath, a proper bath and a shave. He couldn't do anything about the former, but the latter was within his current capabilities. Keeping half-an-eye on the nameless creature he had charring on his fire, Ryan pulled out his knife and a shaving mirror and set to work. He scraped the blade carefully across his face, feeling more and more like the highly-trained soldier he was as he removed the stubble. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, not perfect but he felt better. 

Not that it solved his bathing problem, he'd need to find some way to wash himself and his clothing. In his current condition, Ryan knew he'd make a terrible impression on James if... no, when he met him. His lover had a need for neatness, cleanliness and order that was almost obsessive and Ryan didn't want to appear at anything less than parade-ground polish near him. At least to start with – he knew they would both soon end up dishevelled and James looked fucking gorgeous all mussed and sporting a just fucked look. 

Ryan moaned softly as those thoughts had him hard and needy. He took a quick glance around to check he was alone before he settled himself more comfortably. With one hand on his weapon and the other on his cock it felt like any war zone he'd been in rather than the long-ago past. He didn't really have the time to take it slowly, who knew what might interrupt him. He wrapped his gun-calloused hand tightly around himself and stroked hard, flicking his tip and twisting on the upstroke in a way he knew would have him coming quickly. He'd developed the skill in innumerous wanking competitions with the lads. Ryan bit his lip as moans threatened to erupt from his throat, he had no wish to call the local wildlife (or worse, Helen) to watch him. That thought almost had him wilting until he concentrated on James. In his mind's eye it was James' hand skilfully stroking him, James' wicked tongue whispering dirty things in his ear and Ryan gasped. His hips jerked and thick, white ropes of come splattered on the dry sand. He let his head lull against the sun-warmed rock as he regained his breath.

The sudden crackle of interference from his radio had Ryan jump to his feet and hastily right his clothing before he almost ran towards the anomaly. He paused as he watched it, this was it. His first solo trip into an unknown world. Ryan took a deep breath and stepped through into a biting cold winter storm. He shivered as all he could see was snow and more snow. A towering block of ice rose hundreds of feet into the air. A trumpet sounded and Ryan spun to see a herd of densely furred mammoths following each other trunk to tail. He cursed, for he was not equipped to survive the ice age. Ryan turned around and jumped back through the anomaly as it closed on his heels. So much for that anomaly.

***

The next anomaly was also not to the correct time period, but at least it was warmer. Ryan gathered his gear before he stepped through and scouted around for a suitable camp-site. After watching a quick little dinosaur dash across his path, Ryan chose to climb a steep hill. It might be hard work for him, but he hoped it would dissuade his neighbours from visiting. He smiled as he discovered a small cave almost half-way up the hill. It might not be roomy but there were no signs it was being used and he could at least shelter from the elements and creatures alike in it.

He spent a few hours collecting firewood and ferns for his bedding and grinned as he managed to surprise a little dinosaur for dinner. It might not be much of a mouthful, but it would help to conserve his rations. As darkness settled, Ryan shivered and threw a few more sticks onto the fire. He burrowed into his sleeping bag and fell asleep with one hand on his rifle.

Ryan woke in the darkness, a denial on his lips as he stared wide-eyed. Shivering, his harsh breathing the only sound he could hear. The image of James lying there, all bloodied and broken... Ryan rolled to his knees and threw up until his throat burned and only bitter bile came up. He spat and wiped his lips grimly, before grabbing his water bottle and swishing his mouth clean before he spat again.

He ran a hand through his sweat-sodden hair and scrubbed at his face. He knew he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep now. Not with that memory roiling around in his mind. He peered out of his cave at the first pale streaks of dawn. He sighed and set about breakfast, he might as well as it was nearly morning. He stared at the cold remains of last night's dinner and felt his stomach rebel at the thought of choking that stringy meat down. Sighing, he reached for one of the limited energy bars he'd packed when he'd started this... quest sounded about right.

Ryan chewed his breakfast and forced himself to swallow as he watched the sun rise above the mountains. Pteranodons cried out as they woke from their night's slumber and stretched their wings to catch the sun's warming rays. Ryan knew they'd soon ungainly launch themselves into the air to ride the winds. Far in the distance, the roar of some predator sounded. This world had nothing to offer Ryan and it was time to move. Time to find the next anomaly. To find James.

Ryan quickly wound the radio and smiled as this morning the familiar interference sounded. Casting the radio about narrowed the direction down and Ryan was soon picking his way across the rough terrain. It was an old stream bed, seasonal from the look of the banks and Ryan cast an eye to the sky for clouds. He'd seen men carried away in flash floods before, he glanced up at the cloudless sky but still hurried, just because it wasn't raining here didn't mean it wasn't upstream of him. He'd also seen men assume they were safe only to be killed because they hadn't considered that possibility. 

He smiled as he rounded a corner and saw the anomaly sparkling in the afternoon sun. He stepped through into bright sunshine and green vegetation. Grass. Now hadn't the professor mentioned that indicated a modern (as studying the past went) past? Maybe he was even in his own time? Ryan's eye caught the imprint of a modern boot and he felt hope grow in his heart. 

Ryan carefully followed the tracks, slowly and methodically as he lacked the skill of either Stephen or Finn. He could hear the sound of running water and licked his lips, suddenly realising how thirsty he was. The tracks appeared to lead towards the water and Ryan had to concentrate on not hurrying, he had no wish to lose the tracks in his rush to drink. 

He grinned as he spotted the flash of sunlight on water. His grin faded as he noticed the bodies on the ground, he swallowed hard and looked at the water before swearing and pulling his own water bottle out for a swallow. He couldn't use the water in case it was contaminated by whatever had killed them. 

Ryan carefully approached the bodies, ape-men by the looks of it. He sighed, he wasn't home. So, where had those modern footprints come from? Had someone else been lost through the anomalies? He'd have to have a look around, make sure they didn't need any help. Just what he needed when he was searching for James, some civilian to bloody baby-sit.


	5. Site 333

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan's continuing journey in the past - site 333.

It took Ryan several minutes to find the tracks again before he carefully followed them through the lush grass and shrub landscape. He cursed when he lost them and spent several increasingly frustrating minutes trying to pick up their trail again. Ryan sighed heavily, he knew he couldn't in good conscience just leave without trying to find the person, they would have to be terrified and lost in this strange world. What should he do? All Ryan could think of was to return to the river and follow it upstream, hoping that lost soul would return to it for water and he'd find them. Just in case they were nearby, Ryan called out every so often before pausing to see if anyone yelled back. He was beginning to think he was on a fool's errand when he rounded the corner of the cliff and stopped dead.

Bloody hell. 

Helen bloody Cutter lay at the base of the cliff. From the state of her body it was clear that she had been dead for several days. The equally shattered body of a raptor lying beside her was the probable cause of her fall from the cliff, far more likely than the several dead ape-men he had found earlier. He didn't even hesitate before ransacking her belongings, after all, she didn't need them any more and it might make the difference between life and death for him. He paused when he found a well-worn book and flicked through it, handwriting filled most of the pages and it was obviously her journal. He swiftly pocketed it for later perusal, knowing her plans would be useful if he encountered an earlier version of the bloody bitch. Even if he never did, the professor would probably be interested in it. If he ever found a world to stay in, that is. 

But what to do about Helen and... which ever of the prehistoric creatures didn't belong in this time? Ryan might not be a scientist, but he'd been around them long enough to know the discovery of a dinosaur, ape-men and a modern human together would lead to too many questions. Ryan knew James had worried about the anomalies becoming public knowledge. He had lain awake in Ryan's arms, fretting long into the night too many times for Ryan not to have realised. 

Darkness began to settle before Ryan could decide what to do and he quickly set up camp, it wouldn't do any harm to leave the bodies where they lay for one more night. The fire caught quickly and he munched one of his few remaining energy bars; he'd need to hunt or find replacement food soon, either that or find a modern world to replenish his stock. 

Ryan felt wide awake and pulled Helen's journal out to read. He flicked to the back, wondering if it would tell him why she was here. His eyes widened and he cursed her as he read her plan to destroy humanity. She really had been fucking insane. 

***

Dawn was just breaking when Ryan woke and blinked the sleep from his eyes. He held his breath as he listened for whatever had woken him. The sound of chattering from the far side of the river had him in a crouch and his pistol in his hand. He barely breathed as he waited for the creatures to step out of the early morning gloom. He relaxed as he watched a family of ape-men approach the river, at least he now knew what was native to this time. Ryan started as the family reached the river before he remembered the poison wasn't long lasting – if he trusted Helen's word on it... but she had stated a wish not to harm any other animal, just man. He shook his head, what had driven her to the attempted genocide of her own kind?

He sighed, he wouldn't find James here and it was time to move on. But first, he needed to dispose of the evidence. Ryan spent the morning collecting brushwood and building a pyre on the bare ground by the river. He carried Helen to it before grunting as he dragged the raptor towards it and hauled it on top. He stepped back and set it alight, standing respectfully until the pyre burned to ash. She might be fucking mad, but everyone deserved a proper send off. Ryan's mind turned towards James' funeral and he blinked back tears. He shook his head and scattered those memories, getting maudlin about what had happened wouldn't help him find James. 

Ryan sighed and wound his radio before refilling his water bottle, upstream of the murder site, and dropping in a purification tablet. He sat and watched the ape-men gathering food and picked some of his own to add to his supplies. He was reasonably certain he could eat anything the ape-men could. Hmm, maybe he should take a small bite before he ate any to see if he reacted. It would be something to do while he... Ryan thoughts scattered at the static from the radio. He grabbed his packed kit and set off at a jog towards the new anomaly.

***

Ryan stepped through yet another anomaly. It looked modern: the trees, the neatly mown grass, the well-kept hedge... which appeared to mark a boundary. Ryan moved towards it, still alert for any signs of danger. He smiled as he spied a hole made through the hedge, no doubt made by some animals for access. Ducking down, Ryan could see what looked like a drive. He wiggled through on his stomach and looked both ways along the long, leafy drive. Good, it was deserted apart from him. 

Before Ryan could move, he heard footsteps approaching from down the drive and flattened himself to the ground, it was too late to retreat to the anomaly. He sighed in relief when he looked over his shoulder, at least it wasn't visible from the drive. Turning back towards the footsteps, Ryan's heart clenched in his chest. It was James; although he wasn't dressed in a suit for once, but in a good quality shirt and trousers, he was also sporting a beard. Hmm, Ryan wasn't quite sure about that look on his lover... but he was sure the stubble burn would be interesting. 

Ryan had missed James so much. Seeing his lover alive and well almost caused him to break cover. The need to pull James into his arms. To feel James alive against him. To hold him, to kiss him senseless and never let him go was almost overwhelming.

Ryan barely breathed as he listened for any danger before he revealed himself to James. His eyes were fixed on James as the man strolled up the path, closer and closer to Ryan's concealed position, and he had to wonder why James wasn't driving. 

The sight of his lover filled Ryan's heart with love and need. He couldn't just lie here and let James walk past him. Ryan shifted his stance as he prepared to straighten and approach James. To see if his lover recognised him. To... to what? If this James didn't know him, what the hell would his reaction be to being grabbed and snogged senseless by a stranger? He didn't even know if his lover was gay in this world. 

Ryan paused as he tried to think what to do and froze as he heard the crunch of another person's footsteps approaching towards them from up the drive. He sank down into the available cover and peered through the leaves towards the sound. He glanced back at James and noticed his lover smile, he obviously knew who was approaching. Ryan wasn't sure whether to relax with the knowledge his lover was safe, or worry that he was involved with someone else. Someone other than Ryan... or maybe with this world's Ryan. Ryan had no idea which would be worse.

When a woman turned the corner and stepped into the light, Ryan's hand strayed towards his gun. Bloody Helen Cutter.


	6. Meeting Helen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan's journey continues and he encounters Helen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta-ed by Fififolle.

Helen looked a hell of a lot better than the last time he had seen her, lying shattered at the base of that cliff. Ryan's finger tightened on the trigger of his pistol, after reading her journal he now knew James' death had all been Helen's fault. Without her help and encouragement, Leek would never have been able to control the Future Predators, he would never have smuggled them into the ARC, never released them to hunt and kill James. Without Helen, James would still be alive and in charge of the ARC; Ryan would still be there, not wandering through the past looking for his lover. No, they would have been married and have honeymooned in the Caribbean, they would have lived out their lives together. She had no right to be alive while his lover lay mouldering in the ground, his body so savaged that his mother had been denied the chance to kiss him goodbye. 

Ryan raised his pistol and aimed for her black heart and... he couldn't. He just couldn't kill her, not in cold blood. He remembered Connor's words, that people could be totally different between realities. Connor had grinned when he'd added, 'In one world, we could even be working with Helen while her mad ex-husband taunts us.' Cutter had not been impressed, although Stephen had chuckled before pulling his lover into a kiss. Cutter had been impressed by that, Ryan recalled. 

Ryan shook his head, he couldn't afford to muse on the past and what might have been now. He needed to plan his next move, did he creep away and leave this James or did he wait until he was alone and approach him? And what was Helen doing here? James didn't seem worried or alarmed about her presence...

His eyes widened when he watched Helen smile and wave at James as she hurried towards him. “James. You're early.” Ryan watched in amazement as James' smile grew. His eyes almost popped out of his head when they kissed. Not a kiss between friends or colleagues, but one of passion and need. Oh fuck! James and Helen? Together? Ryan's mind struggled to cope with that thought. 

The sound of running footsteps had Ryan automatically sink even further into his cover. He watched as two laughing children, a dark-haired boy and girl, chased each other down the drive. Ryan smiled at their innocence as they shouted and dodged and played. 

“Children!” James' voice was like balm to his wounded heart, Ryan had forgotten how much he loved listening to his lover talk, whether pronouncing orders, coldly dressing someone down or talking dirty in his ear when they fucked. 

The two children turned as one and grinned as they flung themselves at James with a yell of 'Daddy'. Ryan found himself smiling as James spun them around and hugged them. He had always thought James would have made an excellent father, he had been a natural with his nieces and nephews. His smile died when the girl turned to Helen, “Mummy, you didn't say daddy would be home.” Ryan's mouth dropped open in shock at those words and he shook his head, he couldn't have heard that correctly, could he?

Helen smiled and kissed James again. “I didn't know, sweetie. He surprised me as well.”

“What, I'm not allowed to surprise my wife or children? I thought we could get an early start for the holiday.” 

The children cheered and raced off back up the drive, followed by James and Helen walking arm-in-arm, their voices too low for Ryan to catch their conversation if he had been listening. Bloody hell, James had certainly surprised him in this world. Being married to Helen was bad enough, but to have children with her... it was just mind-boggling.

Ryan's lips twitched as he imagined James' expression when he told him of this world. James would consider it to be a bad joke on Ryan's part, he absolutely loathed the woman and her snide remarks about Ryan being a kept man. Ryan sighed bitterly as he remembered he'd never get to share that story, never see the subtle distaste in James' features, never get to tease him and kiss James hard, never get to... Ryan shook his head and scattered those thoughts. All they would do was torment him.

Ryan lay in the hedge for several minutes after he had watched James (and Helen) pass out of sight. He needed to make sure he was unobserved before he carefully crept back to the anomaly. He paused for a final look around, seeing James so happy was bittersweet for Ryan, but he knew one thing, this world was not for him. 

***

Ryan travelled through several more anomalies before he found himself back at his original base camp. In the Permian. Bloody hell, was he doomed to wander in circles forever? He wondered if he'd ever find a James for himself, but he couldn't give up. He couldn't. 

The next morning he set out in the opposite direction to his previous wanderings. He would find a way to James. He might even find the... what had Connor called it? Oh, yes, the spaghetti junction of anomalies. He'd have to find James with that many anomalies to choose from. At least, Ryan hoped he would.

***

Ryan sighed and kicked his fire out. It was time to move on. He'd perused Helen's journal and discovered the location of several anomalies that lead to parallel worlds and warnings of dangers to several other worlds. If he was right, if he'd read it correctly, this time period had an anomaly that led to a world parallel to their own... well, he wasn't sure if it was a parallel to her world or his, or whether they were the same or... Ryan shrugged, did it really matter so long as James might be on the other side? 

All he needed to do was wait for the bloody thing to open, but he was growing impatient. He'd already been waiting for two weeks. As he glared at the spot the anomaly should be, it flickered and opened, the shards of spinning glass floating and calling to him.


	7. Ryan's First Modern Anomaly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan's first modern anomaly isn't quite what he hoped for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Fififolle for the beta.

Ryan stepped out into a glorious spring morning, cool after the heat of the past. The sound of birds singing in the trees sounded like heaven to his ears after the harsh squawks of pteranodons and who-knew-whats in the past. Even the distant drone of a plane had Ryan smile at the sounds of home. Well, at least Helen's journal had proven correct so far, this anomaly certainly appeared to lead to a world much like his own. Although how near he was to his own time was another question, that and whether James was here. Ryan crouched down as he checked his position. He couldn't see any incursion from the past or evidence that anyone from this side had been near. Good. That would give him time to find out where the hell he was. Where he was and when it was.

The sound of several approaching engines had Ryan darting for cover. He barely made it before the first of the ARC vehicles pulled up and the team piled out. He crouched in the thick undergrowth and watched the soldiers set up their perimeter, shaking his head as he realised they were a bunch of bloody amateur wannabes. Bloody hell, it was unlike James to allow himself to be saddled with this useless lot.

Ryan turned his attention to the civilian team; the professor was his old annoying self, once again exhibiting his belief that he knew best, even against the evidence. Ryan frowned as he noticed the tension in the air between him and Stephen. The way they glared at each other but still gravitated towards each other just screamed of an unresolved lovers' tiff. Ryan shook his head, unless he ended up staying in this world, it was really none of his business. If, however, he did stay, Ryan knew his first professional act would be to knock their bloody heads together. Ryan smiled as he remembered it had worked the first time he'd needed to make the professor see reason when he had gone off half-cocked with the raptors in the shopping centre; when the mad professor had followed them into the past with the intent of finding his wife and fixing the past. Even in the short time he had observed them, Ryan could tell the tension between the stubborn Scot and his assistant was tearing the team apart. Bloody stubborn fools, both of them.

His eyes scanned the rest of the group. He wasn't present – thank God with that bloody useless shower of pretend soldiers wandering around. He'd hate to think this world's version of him was that sloppy with the training of his men. Connor was present, still wearing clothing that looked as if the boy had dressed in the dark. Abby apparently still possessed her common sense as she kept shooting the two arguing lovers exasperated looks. She obviously thought their actions at the anomaly site were as stupid as Ryan did. 

Bloody hell, Ryan had learned long ago not to go on the job with an argument still looming over you. You could never know if your last words would be ones of anger. It was why Ryan had been so thankful he and James had had a few moments... he shook his head and scattered those thoughts. He could be distracted by his memories later, when it was safe to brood over the past. 

Ryan's eyes widened when he caught sight of Claudia. Bloody hell, what was she wearing? He just couldn't imagine the woman he had worked with for the best part of a year ever wearing clothing like that. All high heels and red lipstick. He pursed his lips and wondered if this was the mythical Jenny Lewis that the professor had babbled on about, at least until Claudia had put him straight. Ryan smiled as he recalled that conversation, the professor certainly never referred to her as Jenny afterwards. 

He shook his head, whether she was or wasn't wasn't important. What was important was whether James was alive here, alive and available. Ryan looked around but couldn't see him, not that he was really surprised by that. His lover had never believed in getting his feet dirty. After all, that was what minions were for. 

Ryan crept as close as he dared to without risking capture. Considering the bunch of amateurs he was dealing with, that was bloody close. Close enough to overhear the various conversations. To hear the tense words and snapped answers between the professor and his assistant as they bickered over telling the public the truth. James would certainly never approve of that suggestion. 

Ryan bowed his head as his thoughts returned to James. He needed to control his emotions and memories, he couldn't risk being seen, not until he knew James was alive. If he could be his...

He froze as Claudia, or maybe Jenny, turned around and seemed to look straight at him. Ryan barely breathed as he waited for her to cry out and reveal his location. He breathed a soft sigh when raised voices – the professor's and Stephen's, unsurprisingly – distracted her attention. Claudia (or maybe Jenny) rolled her eyes at them before exchanging a long-suffering look with Abby. Her mobile trilled and, Ryan mentally shrugged and decided to stick to Claudia until he had proof she wasn't, Claudia sighed again as she looked at the caller id. 

Ryan's mouth was dry. This could be the moment. It would be so like James to call up demanding updates and from the look on Claudia's face, it was her boss she was about to speak to. Ryan strained to hear her every word. “The site is secure, Sir Oliver. There have been no incursions.”

Ryan let his head drop as he remembered finding James, of holding him tight as if to hold him to life itself. What that bastard Leek had done to him. If he... no. Ryan shook his head, the Leek in his own world was dead, killed when his own predators had torn him apart. This Leek, he wasn't responsible, no matter how much Ryan wanted to wring his scrawny neck for what his counterpart had done. No, he could not risk his self-imposed mission. Ryan froze as footsteps approached his position. He held his breath as the boots came to a stop a few feet from him. He winced at the sound of a zip and just prayed that the man aimed somewhere else. It really would add insult to injury if he got pissed on. 

***

Ryan slumped to the ground and let his head fall back against the cool rocks of his makeshift camp. He had made it back through the anomaly without difficulty, the so-called soldiers guarding it had been too busy playing cards to keep a proper watch on it. Bloody hell, if they had been his men he'd have had them up on report and square-bashing. But, all things considered, their sloppiness had allowed him to escape through the anomaly unnoticed. 

He threw more sticks onto the fire and watched his dinner slowly charcoal. Another day gone in his seemingly never ending search. He had to hope though, hope that one day he'd find James. He smiled bitterly as he amended that to a James who wasn't attached and certainly not to one Helen bloody Cutter.


	8. The Dark Side Of Alternative Realities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan encounters the darker side of alternative realities in his latest journey through the anomalies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks go to Fififolle for the beta.

The next six anomalies had been to various past times and Ryan hadn't wasted much time in any of them. He had added several notes to Helen's journal, it had just seemed to be the right thing to do. Oh, he knew they wouldn't measure up to any scientist's standards, but he felt the need to add his observations. To say he had been there, seen it, survived it. 

Ryan was beginning to feel he'd never find another parallel when he stepped through into one. It felt more like autumn on this world, a bitter snap in the air that foretold of a hard winter. The high-voltage power-lines and telephone cables told Ryan he was at least in the right century. A flapping notice stuck to one of the telegraph poles caught his attention and Ryan jogged across the field towards it. Hopefully it would tell him where he was, if he was lucky, even the rough date. He had almost reached it when the sound of approaching vehicles had him diving for cover, spitting leaves out as he sprawled in the dirt of a ditch, the dampness of the soil slowly soaking into his combats as he carefully peered over the edge.

As he watched the ARC team going about their business, Ryan decided this world seemed more promising. The soldiers were competent, professional men and Ryan had found himself forced to move away from the anomaly or risk capture. Ryan pulled out his binoculars and studied the team, everyone who should have been in the field had been there. As an added bonus, Ryan could see no sign of himself, even though he knew the version of him from this reality might never have been assigned to the ARC. Now, all he had to do was find out if James was alive here. Alive and available to him. 

He quickly but quietly made his way along the ditch until he could squirm through a hedge and set off, hopefully, in the direction of civilisation. He was walking in roughly the direction he assumed the ARC team had come from, although he had to change his route several times to avoid discovery. The first town or village he found would tell him where he was and how far from London. He would also hopefully find a local paper and learn about the state of the world. 

A cluster of roofs had Ryan smile as he imagined his first proper cooked grub washed down by beer in a proper English pub in what seemed a lifetime. He could almost taste it and his stomach rumbled in anticipation. With a rueful smile, Ryan found a position he could dig in and observe the village and its inhabitants from. If his years soldiering had taught him anything, it was never to assume the natives were friendly, even if these natives wore the faces of his friends. Ryan felt hope in his heart, this seemed just like home, maybe this world would be the one, maybe James would be waiting for him. Ryan took a deep breath and mentally sat on his hopes, after all this time travelling, he knew better than make assumptions from just a few observations.

A sudden burst of gunfire had Ryan flattening himself to the ground. Automatic weapons had no place in an English village and Ryan guessed that a creature had beaten him through. He could hear shouting and watched as a young boy ran down the street towards him. Even from this distance, Ryan could see the fear etched on the boy's face. He must have met the creature and be running for his life. Ryan reached for his pistol, he couldn't let the boy be killed in front of him, even if it risked Ryan's own mission. 

Ryan breathed a sigh of relief when the ARC convoy turned the corner and rolled towards the boy. He could leave the rescue to them and remain safely hidden until he knew more about this world and whether he wanted to stay in it. 

Ryan frowned when the boy paled and slipped as he tried to dart down a side street, away from the ARC soldiers and safety. He really must have been scared out of his mind to run from someone who would rescue him. 

He watched from his vantage point as the team stepped out of their vehicles and heard the professor's strident Scottish tones as he called out to the boy, “Come here, boy.”

The boy shook his head and scrambled backwards as he tried to get to his feet. His face was a mask of terror and Ryan decided he must have seen someone killed to be that scared. What else could he be so terrified of?

“I said, come here.” The professor scowled when the boy still refused to obey him and turned to motion at Connor. “Get him.” 

Ryan felt the tightness in his chest relax. Connor was a kid himself, no doubt he'd get the boy to trust them and then... 

Oh, fuck! Ryan shook his head in disbelief when Connor pulled the boy to his feet and punched him in the stomach. As the boy crumpled to the ground, Connor kicked him hard in the ribs before pulling a pistol. Ryan flinched when the man he considered one of the good guys yanked the boy to his knees and pressed the barrel of his gun against the pleading boy's head. Ryan held his breath and almost missed the crack as Connor pulled the trigger. He watched horrified as the boy's head exploded in a mess of blood and brains. 

Ryan felt sick as he caught the expression of glee and lust on Connor's face. Fuck! Connor was getting off on killing a defenceless kid. He felt even sicker when Abby pulled Connor in for a kiss and grope. 

What sort of world was this? Where casual murder was acceptable... Ryan shuddered as he remembered Connor's (his Connor's) words: that every possible world could exist. Ryan remembered grinning when the professor had rolled his eyes at Connor's intoned 'The good, the bad and the ugly”. It was clear to Ryan he had found the 'bad', although watching the sickening sight of Abby and Connor rutting next to the dead boy's corpse, Ryan was tempted to call this hell-hole 'the ugly'.

Ryan knew this was not the world for him. Not when Connor's killing of a young boy was acceptable. No, more than acceptable as he watched the rest of the team laugh and call out obscene suggestions to Abby and Connor. He needed to leave now, before he was discovered. He had the feeling he'd never escape if he was captured. 

He carefully slipped away, using all of his training to remain concealed as he circled around to avoid being seen by anyone. He was bloody glad he had when he spotted the road block and armed men before they spotted him. He had no identity documents on him, none, at least that anyone from this world was likely to recognise. He didn't want to think about what would happen if he was captured. The memory of interrogations in foreign lands came to Ryan, this was definitely not home. It was a fucking mess-up police state. 

He needed to get to an anomaly, any anomaly, and out of this world. Even if James was alive here, Ryan didn't want to know him. He didn't want to see what his lover would have become in a world like this. He just hoped the next anomaly would take him to a better world, maybe one where he could finally be with James. He hoped it wouldn't be to another world as bad as this one, but knew human nature far too well to believe it.

But which anomaly? How the hell was he supposed to find one and get there before the ARC? He slapped his head as he muttered, “Bloody idiot.” The Forest of Dean kept reopening in his world, he would just have to hope it did here... and that he could get to it. First things first, Ryan would have to find out exactly where he was and then figure out how to get to the Forest, unseen and unnoticed.

Ryan spent long, hard and difficult days making his way south-west. He travelled by night, slowly and carefully, ducking into cover whenever he even suspected someone was around. By day he dug in and snatched sleep when he could; too highly strung to gain any real benefit from his rest.

Luckily, the weather remained rather damp and Ryan managed to avoid both settlements and anyone wandering the countryside. Equally luckily, there was plenty of food around – fruit and various ripening crops – and the rain kept people at home. He was tempted by a loose chicken but didn't want to risk a fire, assuming he could even start one in this miserable weather. 

Ryan circled past several road checkpoints, watching the armed guards check the identity papers and boots of all the cars that passed through. He couldn't help wondering what had happened in this world, what had gone so wrong? Avoiding the checkpoints took Ryan out of his way as he stuck to the hedgerows and woods. Ryan lived on his nerves as the days stretched into weeks, he knew every day he remained here increased the chance he'd be discovered. 

One day as Ryan was dug into his daytime hide-out, he was roused from his fitful doze by the barking of a dog. He strained his ears to listen and swore softly as the barking sounded closer. If there was a dog out there, there would also be its owner. He held his breath, if they stumbled across him, his trek might be over. All for nothing. He couldn't fail. His hand rested on his pistol, if he had to... Ryan shook his head. He would not become like the inhabitants of this world. He wasn't a cold-blooded killer. If being human resulted in his capture.... well, he'd escape somehow. 

He could hear the shouts of the owner, even if the words were lost in the distance. They were coming closer and Ryan pressed back into his hollow, barely even breathing. He saw a flash of brown and white in the field and then the dog was upon him. Barking and snuffling. This was it.


	9. The Calm Between The Storms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan enjoys a bit of R&R

“Here, boy,” a woman's voice called out. “Fred! Heel! Leave that rabbit alone.”

Ryan breathed out and sagged to the ground when Fred the dog turned and raced off to its owner, its tail wagging. Bloody hell, that had been close. Far too fucking close. 

After that encounter, Ryan choose his daytime bolt holes with even more care. He had no wish to tempt fate again and it slowed his journey down considerably. On his 23rd day of living on his nerves and hiding from everyone and everything, Ryan finally reached the Forest of Dean. The trip had taxed him as badly as some of the operations in Iraq and other operational zones in his world. The urge to rush to the site to see if an anomaly was open which he could dart through to the past was almost overwhelming but Ryan knew he had to proceed slowly, to risk capture at this late stage would be bloody stupid. He carefully crept into the woods, circling the site as he checked for soldiers or cameras or any other monitoring equipment. He sighed as he found nothing, did that mean they didn't guard this site or that the anomalies didn't reoccur here? From what he had seen, Ryan was afraid it was the latter. If so, where did he go from here? Could he survive in a fucked-up Britain? Was the rest of the world just as bad? Ryan didn't know, all he could hope was that an anomaly would open here, now although he'd settle for soon. He didn't care where it lead, just so long as he could leave this hell-hole of a world.

***

Ryan found himself having to drag his attention away from where the anomaly should – would – appear; he knew better than that, he needed to keep watch. It would be fucking stupid if he was captured now due to inattention of the situation. Ryan found cover to conceal himself in as he swept the area for danger, although his gaze kept drifting back to the spot where the anomaly – he hoped – would open.

He started as the anomaly flickered to life in front of him, relief freezing him in place for an instant before he gave himself a shake. He paused and listened for several heartbeats as he strained his senses to the utmost as he sought any sign of danger. When he detected nothing out of the ordinary, Ryan quickly yet carefully made his way to the anomaly and poked his head through. Much as he wanted out of this world, he had no wish to exchange it for one he couldn't breathe in or a 30 feet drop if it opened in mid-air. 

He took a careful lungful and then another. Well, he could breathe and there was solid ground in front of him. He pulled his head back and gave the world he was leaving a quick check, breathing a sigh of relief that there was still no sign of any human to witness his departure. Ryan took his first few steps into a new world and ended up with wet feet. “Fuck.” He looked down at the stream he was standing in and then laughed as he turned upstream and quickly sloshed his way along the stream's pebbly bed. At least he didn't need to fear Stephen or Finn being able to track him here, at least, he didn't if he got into cover before they investigated the anomaly. Ryan set the fastest pace he could along the shifting and sliding stones and that was barely fast enough. He had just rounded a bend in the stream when the ARC team came through and he was forced to crouch in the water behind a boulder. If he tried to continue now, he risked making a noise that the ARC team would hear and investigate. He had no wish to be captured now and so had to stay where he was, silently swearing as the water soaked into his clothes.

Ryan stayed crouched as the police-state ARC took a quick look around, barely long enough to learn anything from this anomaly but it was still far too long for Ryan's peace of mind as he waited for them to stumble across him. Ryan exhaled softly when they finally trooped back through, but even then he didn't dare move in case someone came back through and caught him. He waited for the anomaly to close, feeling his combats cling to his skin as the water soaked into them. Finally, he stretched out of his uncomfortable position, all his muscles complaining as he moved. He climbed out of the stream, water sloshing in his boots, and set off into the woods as he searched for a camp site. He needed somewhere both secure and where he could dry his sodden clothing. 

Once the fire was blazing to Ryan's satisfaction he began to peel his clothing off. The material stuck to him like a second skin and he shivered as he wrung it out before laying it over the make-shift clothes-horse he had made. He rubbed his bare skin brusquely in an attempt to dry it faster and to stop the goose-bumps appearing. He was nervous and kept his rifle close at hand, almost grinning at the sight he would make if anyone was around – totally starkers and clutching a big gun. Well, at least no one would be able to accuse him of compensating for something.

Ryan swiftly pulled his clothes back on as the light began to fade. They were still slightly damp but he had no wish to meet some creature in the darkness with nothing to protect his modesty but a rifle. He threw some more wood on to the fire and munched on an energy bar, his every sense alert for danger. 

Ryan took several moments to fall asleep, and after so many days living on his nerves, he woke at every rustle and footstep of the local wildlife. Finally, several hours into the night, Ryan fell into an exhausted sleep, his rifle clutched in his arms like a teddy bear.

In the morning a still tired Ryan explored his surroundings; a pleasant climate, at least for now, a nearby stream for water and he'd heard various creatures in the night so he'd have food. It made sense to camp here for a while, a few days or a week at least. He'd been living on his nerves for almost a month, fearing discovery and who knew what in police-state Britain. Here, he only had to worry about the local wildlife, and that couldn't shoot back. 

Ryan smiled as he wandered along one of the trails he had discovered and found a waterfall with a deep pool at its base, the silver flashes of fish promised a lovely dinner if he could catch one. Even better, the waterfall offered him to chance to wash himself clean. He felt dirty after the last world, and not just physically. 

Ryan propped his rifle within easy reach of the waterfall and his pistol half-hidden behind a rock. His fingers unclipped his tac-vest before tugging his t-shirt free and over his head, the muscles in his chest flexing as he stretched. Bending over, Ryan tugged his boots off and put his socks inside. His unbuttoned his trousers and eased the zip down before shimmying his hips and letting the material pool around his feet. His fingers just inside the waistband, Ryan had a final check before whipping his boxers off. He carefully stepped into the waterfall, shivering slightly as the cool water raised goose-bumps on his skin. 

Ducking his head under and wetting his hair, Ryan scrubbed at it, trying to loosen the knots before he'd attempt to trim it later. He ran his hands over his body and smiled as his fingers found his cold-hardened nipples. His hand wandered over his stomach and continued down, curling around his limp cock. He needed release after those weeks of constant tension. His hand moved, sliding up and down and tweaking just right. Ryan's mind wandered as he touched himself, in his imagination it was James' hand on him, holding him just right as he took Ryan to the brink over and over again. 

Ryan's thumb flicked his tip and he came, shooting his come over the rocks as he cried out, “James.” He closed his eyes for a moment and silently repeated his vow to find James. His rumbling stomach reminded him of the fish and Ryan considered his best method to capture dinner. He remembered an old colleague talking about tickling fish and decided to give his method a try. He carefully waded into the pool and tried to grab one, but it slipped through his fingers with a flick of its tail. Ryan set his feet firmly and hunched over to wait for his next chance. He almost had one, his fingers closing around its tail, when he lost his balance and fell backwards in the pool, sending water spraying. 

Growling at his inability to catch one of those slippery little devils, Ryan clambered out and quickly hacked a suitable branch from a nearby tree. He sharpened one end into a rough point and slipped back into the pool, his roughly-made spear poised for action. A flash of silver had Ryan jabbing with his spear and hitting the bottom of the pool hard enough to jar his shoulder. “Fuck!” Running his fingers down the shaft revealed he had missed. Ryan took a deep breath and then another, fishing took patience. He was rewarded when his next strike speared a fish to the bottom. Ryan grabbed hold of it and lifted it out, still skewered on the spear. Lying it carefully on the bank, Ryan turned back to try his luck at another fish. He might as well eat well while he had a chance.

In the end, Ryan strolled back to his camp with his clothes bundled under his arm and with five fish skewed on his spear. He quickly gutted the fish and buried the unwanted parts several metres from his camp. He skewered a fish onto a thin branch and hung it over the fire to cook, the others he set to smoke over a greenwood fire downwind of him. 

Ryan sighed in satisfaction as he consumed the fish, eating every morsel and licking his fingers clean. He checked the fish he had smoking before settling down on his back to relax, if he was having an enforced holiday, he might as well get a tan from it.

****

Ryan glanced up as his radio crackled with static. He was well-rested and eager to continue with his task. That and several idyllic days without a threat were his only excuse for his actions – he stepped through the anomaly without checking what lay on its other side.

He heard the clicks of several weapons and raised his hands. He was surrounded by soldiers, ones who wore familiar uniforms and faces. He opened his mouth to speak and felt a heavy blow on the back on his head. He spun around as he fell, his eyes widening at the sight of Lyle wielding a rifle, realising that Lyle had hit him and then darkness took him.


	10. Into Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan is horrified by the new world he finds himself in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta-ed by Fififolle.

Ryan moaned softly and shook his head as he regained consciousness, bitterly regretting the movement as it sent shards of pain shooting through his throbbing skull. Had Lyle really needed to hit him that hard? He was a bloody idiot for not expecting danger... not that it would have made a difference, he would have been discovered once the ARC team came through the anomaly. He'd been lulled into a false sense of security and had become bloody sloppy to be captured so easily.

Moving slowly so as not to set off his aching head, Ryan looked around his surroundings. He was in what looked like an interrogation room at the ARC, his hands cuffed painfully tight behind his back as he sat on a hard chair. He had no idea how long he had been out for or how long he had waited for someone to question him. Standard interrogation techniques.

The man who entered was unknown to Ryan. Early thirties, brown hair, cold eyes, name of Ethan. He had questioned Ryan over and over again, repeating some questions slightly differently in an attempt to trap him in a lie. The man sent a prickle of fear down Ryan's back, he recognised the look in Ethan's eyes. He was a stone-cold killer who got off on it. Ryan had been careful not to reveal anything, sticking to his well-practiced story of becoming separated from his men and lost, of stumbling through an anomaly and finding himself here. That he was a simple soldier far out of his depth just trying to get home.

The beating Ethan and Blade had given him was merely one more indication that this world would not be a home for him, but the knowledge that James was here, alive and well, muted Ryan's desire to escape. He could spare a little time to be near his lover, couldn't he? A chance to snatch a moment of conversation with him, maybe even more, if only Ryan could bide his time and wait.

At least, Ryan thought he could until he was hauled out of the interrogation room by Ethan and Blade. As soon as he saw James, Ryan struggled in his bonds; his need to be with James overwhelmed his common sense; but he received only a punch to the gut from Ethan and a disdainful look from James. He was dragged along the corridor and craned his head around to watch James for as long as possible. He resumed struggling when he saw Leek approach James. That bastard – who knew what plans he had for James, when he'd stab him in the back? Ryan managed to break free of his captors for a split instant before pain exploded in his skull and the hard floor met his knees. He was stunned and could not resist when he was dragged away and thrown into a cell. 

Ryan groaned softly as he rubbed his aching head. Fucking bastards. He shakily managed to crawl to the basic bed and collapse on top of it. He might not be staying in his world, but he still needed to protect this James Lester from that wanker Leek. Even if this James wasn't and never would be his lover, Ryan still couldn't stand the thought of him lying bloody and broken on the floor with Leek standing triumphantly over him. 

It took Ryan several moments to regain his breath and he used that time to plan his next move. He needed to get out of this cell and leave this world, but first, he had to warn James about Leek. He took a casual glance around the cell and smiled as he noted the lack of cameras in there. That didn't surprise him as Ryan had already spotted the blood splatters on the walls and floor. Obviously the powers-that-be didn't want any possible record of their men's heavy handed interrogation techniques.

He made quick work of the lock and slipped out into the corridor, looking both ways and listening hard for any sign his escape had been discovered. He stealthily crept down the corridor towards James' office – at least, towards where James' office had been in his ARC. He could hear footsteps approaching and knew he'd be discovered if he stayed here. He slipped into a room and flattened himself against the wall as he waited for whoever it was to pass him. 

He breathed a sigh of relief as the footsteps faded and he took the opportunity to look around his hiding place. It was a stationary cupboard – a rather familiar one and Ryan's mouth twitched as he recalled what he and James had done in this exact same cupboard, well, the same cupboard in a different world. 

Ryan heard more footsteps passing the cupboard and swore silently, he'd have to find another route to James. He smiled as he noticed the ventilation system and remembered that there should be a vent in James' office. Although it provided him an easy and unnoticed way to James' office, Ryan cursed as he had to worm his way through its tight confines. He managed to drag himself the last few yards and peered into James' office. He could see James sitting at his desk, with both Leek and this Ethan standing in front of him. Leek's head was bowed but Ryan could see the determination in his eyes. He knew it. Leek wasn't to be trusted, when he got his hands on that bastard.

James' voice broke through Ryan's plans of revenge. “And this _Captain Ryan_? What do you make of him?”

“He says he got lost in the past, Sir James,” Leek replied.

Ethan sneered. “If you're weak-minded enough to believe that story.” 

Leek dropped his gaze again and didn't reply, although Ryan did notice he inched away from Ethan, not that he blamed Leek for that. Ethan appeared to be a right nutter.

“And your theory would be?” James steepled his fingers as he looked expectantly at Ethan.

“He's a spy. Probably one of Johnson's.” Ethan shook his head. “Lost in the past and just happened to find us? Fucking pathetic excuse, in my view.”

James nodded. “You'd think Christine would have enough on her plate with the creatures from the anomalies.” He pursed his lips. “It would certainly explain how we got to this Ryan before Christine's people did.” 

“Yes, sir,” Ethan agreed. “Let me at him, sir. I'll get the truth out of him.”

Ryan silently cursed when James nodded. Ethan would discover he had escaped and start a man hunt for him. He'd not get the chance to warn James about Leek. He'd have to act now. Well, once Ethan had left and, thinking about it, a few more minutes. He could keep an eye on Leek for that long. He hoped. 

Ryan's eyes widened as Ethan dug his fingers into James' hair and pulled him into a kiss. James shoved a hand down Ethan's trousers and fondled him. “Later.”

“Yes sir.” Ethan smiled and walked out, his hips wiggling in an enticing way. 

Ryan almost closed his eyes in dismay. James was with that sick fucker? The scraping of a chair being pushed backwards had Ryan opening his eyes. He could sense the change of atmosphere in the room and couldn't believe it when Leek dropped clumsily to his knees. When James shoved his cock into Leek's mouth and grabbed hold of Leek's hair, using it to hold Leek still as he fucked Leek's mouth with his cock without respite. Having James' cock rammed repeatedly into the back of his throat must have been painful and Ryan felt the first spark of pity for Leek as James used and abused him. 

Ryan couldn't tear his eyes away from the scene being played out in James' office. Leek was shoved over James' desk. Tears glinted in Leek's eyes as his trousers were yanked down. He bit his lip as James shoved in without any preparation, hard and fast. 

Ryan felt sick at a sight he had never even considered his lover possible of committing – James was brutally fucking Leek. It fucking hurt, if the look on Leek's face was any indication. There was no giving and taking, no love in James' actions, he was just using Leek as a convenient hole to fuck. 

Bloody hell. It would explain why Leek would hate James enough to try and kill him. In this world, at least. Ryan wasn't sure what to think any more. He felt sick as he watched Leek being abused. He couldn't move a muscle to help. Too frozen in disbelief. The man raping Leek wasn't the man Ryan knew. He wasn't. He wasn't James. He wasn't.

He could hear the little noises this James was making and recognised them as his lover... no, that man wasn't his lover. James wouldn't do this. He wouldn't. Ryan tried to turn away, he tried to close his eyes, but his gaze was locked with Leek's pain-filled eyes as James' fingers bit bruising tight into Leek's hips. James pounded harder and faster and came with a grunt. Pulling free he shoved Leek to the floor. “Get out.”

That image was burned into Ryan's brain. He felt sick. He couldn't stay in this world, he needed to get out now. Leek wasn't a danger to James here, not from what Ryan had witnessed. The man might hate James but he was too broken to even consider acting against him. 

Bile rose in Ryan's gorge and he had to retreat, he couldn't bring himself to look at the rapist who wore his lover's face.

***

Ryan heard a shrill alarm and knew Ethan had discovered he had escaped. He could hear the sound of pounding boots and watched the people he had considered friends hunting him. He stayed in the ventilation system, managing to squeeze his way through to the underground garage. He peered out before he carefully removed the grate and dropped to the floor. He held his breath as he strained his ears, but it appeared he hadn't been detected, not yet.

“I thought you'd come here.” Leek's voice had Ryan spinning around in a combat crouch.


	11. The Lighter Side Of The Mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan finds that not everyone in this mirror world is as dark as others are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta-ed by Fififolle.

“I'm alone and unarmed, Captain Ryan,” Leek continued as he stepped from the shadowy corner he had concealed himself in. He held his arms away from his sides to show Ryan his empty hands before turning in a slow circle, “As you can see.”

Ryan risked a quick glance around the garage for any other threats. “What do you want, Leek?”

“You watched. In the office.” Leek's voice broke.

“I did. I...” Ryan shook his head. “I can't believe James...” 

Leek snorted. “This isn't your world, or your James Lester.” He held out Helen's journal towards Ryan. “I read this, all of Helen's plans and observations. Lester and Ethan,” Leek's voice was bitter on that name, “they don't think the journal is important. Some plot by Christine to distract us and gain some advantage while we spent time looking into the information.”

Ryan shook his head, this was getting confusing. James was the baddie, Leek and Christine appeared to be the good guys, what a fucking messed up world. “Come with me.” Ryan blinked as those words emerged from his mouth. He realised with more shock that he meant it, after all, this Leek hadn't killed his James. 

Leek shook his head. “You need to go, Ryan. To find your James. Leave this world, this Lester, to us to deal with.”

“You work for Christine?” Ryan nodded, “Of course you do.” Leek was fucking brave in this world, brave and probably a little bit crazy. Not that that would be a surprise, it must have been a harrowing existence, spying and working for Christine while at the mercy of J... Lester and the unstable Ethan, never knowing when he might be discovered and... Ryan swallowed, he didn't want to think what might happen to Leek if he was found out.

Leek reached into his pocket and pulled out a USB memory stick. “This contains information I downloaded from Lester's own computer. I need you to give it to Christine.”

“How?” Ryan was quite willing to do so; from what he'd seen of this world, it was Christine he needed to help, she was the one he would have been working for – at least, he hoped he would have been, who knew, in this world he might have been as twisted as James was. 

“I managed to get a message to them, once you are out you will be met by a man on a motorcycle. Here are the recognition words.” After Leek told him the codes, he held out the stick. “Pass the stick on and tell Christine your story.” Leek looked around as he heard footsteps. “I've opened the doors, you need to get out of here fast and keep going, no matter what.” Once Ryan took the USB stick, Leek added, “Now, hit me.”

“What?”

“Knock me out. Or at least down. Lester might believe I tried to stop you...” There was a quaver in Leek's voice. 

Ryan nodded. Fuck! He shook Leek's hand before punching him, hard. It was the only chance they had to save Leek's life, he understood far too well that James would kill Leek if he realised he had betrayed him. Ryan tried not to think about what might happen to Leek now. From what he'd seen of this world, James might still have Leek killed for failing to stop Ryan escaping. 

Ryan slipped away from Leek's sprawled body and cautiously cracked the door open, expecting the shrill sound of an alarm to break the silence. When the silence remained unbroken, Ryan took a deep breath and slipped out the door, keeping to cover as much as possible before he had to step into the open and then he just made a run for it. Expecting the soldiers to chase him at any moment, shouting at him to stop or they'd shoot. He almost expected the searing pain as a bullet hit him in his back and sent him crashing to the ground, bleeding and captured. He put on a spurt of speed and felt relieved when he turned the corner, safely out of sight of the ARC. 

He skidded to a stop at the sight of a black leather-clad biker straddling his machine. The man lifted his visor and grinned at Ryan, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “Oi, mate, you seen Little Bo Peep?”

Ryan blinked in shock for a moment before remembering what Leek had instructed him to reply. “Yes. I'm one of the Lost Lambs. And you are?”

“Red Riding Hood.” The man threw Ryan another helmet, “Danny Quinn. Now hop on and we'll get the hell out of here before Lester sends his thugs after us.”

Ryan saw little alternative, he needed help to escape and James wasn't an option for that in this world, however, maybe this Danny Quinn and even Christine would be. He put the helmet on and slipped his arms around Quinn's waist as he climbed on behind him. It felt so good to be this close to another person after so long, it was just a shame it wasn't James. Ryan couldn't help smirking at the image of James riding a motorcycle, not that his lover would ever have lowered himself to such forms of transport, no matter how hot Ryan thought he'd look straddling a motorcycle.

****

Ryan couldn't stay sitting in the chair at Christine's centre of operations, he paced restlessly as he waited for her or someone to come and question him. He just hoped Christine would help him leave this world once he told her his story.

Ryan swallowed as Christine stepped through the door; remembering how she had tried to wipe out James' memory in his own world. He took a deep breath, she wasn't the same woman – meeting Leek had shown him that. 

Ryan snapped out a salute, “Captain Thomas Ryan, ma'am, of the ARC.”

“Captain, I understand Oliver sent you?”

“Yes, ma'am. He asked me to give you this.” Ryan handed over the USB. “He said it is information downloaded from J... Lester's own computer.”

Christine's eyes lit up. “Thank you, Captain.” She called over her shoulder, “Ross, get this to Anderson. Get him to check the information.” She turned back to Ryan, “The chance to know what Lester's up to is invaluable, Captain.”

Ryan nodded. “So I understand, ma'am.” He straightened his shoulders, “Did Leek tell you about me?”

****

Christine tapped her fingers on her desk as she considered Ryan as he finished his story. “It must be hard for you, Captain. Not just to trust Leek and myself, but to see Lester like that.”

Ryan nodded, “If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes...”

“I could use a man like you, Captain, but I can understand your need to find Les... your James.” Christine smiled sadly as if from a painful memory. “I'll have you resupplied and on your way as soon as possible.”

“Thank you, ma'am.”

****

Ryan finished packing his supplies in a new rucksack – rations, ammo and other survival equipment. He checked a pistol before sliding it into its holster and then repeated his actions on a rifle, grinning with satisfaction as he found them to be in excellent condition.

Quinn knocked on the door. “Ready?” He held out a small device. “Anderson wanted me to give you this.”

Ryan took it, examining it before he smiled, it looked like a smaller version of the detector Connor had been building. “A portable anomaly detector?” 

An alarm blared before Quinn could reply and he cursed as he pressed his ear piece. “Fuck! Come on, Ryan. Grab your gear. Lester's thugs are here.” 

Ryan followed hard on Quinn's heels as the ginger-haired man legged it down the corridor towards the garage.

“Quinn!” Ross called out from behind them, “Lester's men are inside, they've covered all the exits.”

Quinn gave a cocky grin. “Not all of them. Come on, Ryan.” 

Ryan eyed the ventilation shaft wearily and sighed, not another one of these bloody things to crawl through.

****

Ryan decided Quinn was more than a few slices short of a full loaf as the man rode his motorcycle recklessly, his boot stretched out in front of him as he kicked several soldiers as they rode past. Ryan's grip tightened when Danny almost span out as he took a corner almost too fast. The bullets that zinged through the air didn't help, it looked as if J... Ryan shook his head, no, Lester was happy to have him dead rather than escape his clutches... either that or he'd set Ethan loose and that madman was eager to add more blood to his hands. Which didn't make it any easier for Ryan, because Lester must know what Ethan was like, the blood was as much on his hands as Ethan's.

Ryan's thoughts scattered and his grip on Quinn became white-knuckled when the maniac barely squeezed through a gap between a wall and an oncoming truck. Fuck! The man had a death-wish. The sound of horns behind Ryan convinced him they had lost their pursuers – at least for now. 

Danny's voice was almost taken by the wind as he yelled back over his shoulder. “Much as I love a hard body against mine, ease up mate.” 

Ryan only relaxed his grip when Quinn slowed down and he risked a glance over his shoulder, confirming that they had escaped, and were surprisingly – considering Quinn's driving – still in one piece. 

The anomaly detector mounted on Quinn's bike began to ping and Quinn let out a whoop as he hit the accelerator again and, presumably, set course for the anomaly. 

Ryan didn't care where it led, he was sure he could survive whatever it could throw at him. A bitter smiled appeared on his face as he thought it couldn't be worse than this world... maybe he should stop thinking that. Fate seemed to take a perverse pleasure in showing him it could indeed get worse. 

Quinn brought the bike to a screeching halt next to the anomaly and Ryan vowed he would never ride one again – not even if James was on it, naked and aroused and offering Ryan his arse to fuck as they rode. Bloody hell, if Quinn was gay he'd probably think that was an excellent idea – hell, from what he'd seen of Quinn, the man had probably done it. 

Ryan dismounted on somewhat shaky legs and shook Quinn's hand. 

Quinn grinned cockily. “Good luck, mate.”

“You too.” Ryan watched Quinn speed off again before swearing as the ARC vehicles appeared in the distance. Fuck! He grabbed his supplies and ran for the anomaly. If he could just get into cover he had a chance of losing his pursuers, he just hoped he wouldn't have to jump through multiple anomalies to do so. Ryan dove through it and cursed as the sand snagged his boots and sent him to his knees. Oh Fuck! Not the best prehistoric past to be in, but beggars couldn't be choosers and at least he knew his way back to his base camp from here. 

He had to hurry though and that was not a good thing in this world. He could see the harder edges of the hills to his left and took off. If he could reach them Ryan knew he'd be safe, at least from the native creatures. The sand dragged him back at every step and he barely cleared the crest of a dune as he felt a bullet fly past his ear. Sliding and falling and rolling down the slope, Ryan was gasping for breath but struggled back to his feet, he had to keep running. His lungs strained but he had to get away. He had to reach the hills before his movement attracted the attention of the creatures under the sand.

He could hear the sounds of gunfire and screams, but didn't risk stopping. The vibrations caused by several men were obviously more attractive to the native life than those caused by just one, but he couldn't risk being caught in the open. Ryan's feet kept him moving until he finally collapsed as his lungs burned from too little oxygen. He only realised as he painfully banged a knee that he was safely on the wind-carved sandstone hills. 

Ryan could do nothing but gasp for air and listen to the sounds of battle dying. He just hoped the soldiers retreated to their own world, even though they were bastards he still mourned their needless deaths. If only they hadn't followed him. He snorted. Nothing was ever changed by 'if only'. He knew that far too well, having spent days wondering what he could have done differently that day, any day, to save James. He had gone over every action, every choice, but none of it could change the facts: James had died and Ryan had failed to protect him.

He pulled out his new detector and checked for the anomaly he needed as he regained his breath, what little he could in this low-oxygen atmosphere. At least he knew how to survive here for a short period. Just so long as he avoided the sand scorpions. If he was lucky he would be able to stay on the rocks until he reached the anomaly, if not, well, at least he knew how to slip-slide-walk on this sand. He snorted as he remembered Connor commenting that these scorpions were similar to the worms in 'Dune', attracted to the rhythmic beat of footsteps on the sand's surface.

****

Ryan scrambled up one of the sandstone scree slopes and collapsed exhausted at the top, his lungs barely dragging enough oxygen into his body. He just wanted to sleep... a bright light in the distance drew his attention and Ryan grinned. He forced his tired body to move as he slipped and slide and almost tumbled down the rock slope.

He paused at the bottom and cursed the sand that lay between him and the anomaly, the short distance seeming like miles to him in this world. Ryan knew he had no choice, he had to go through that anomaly or die. 

Ryan checked the sand for traces of the scorpions, he saw nothing but that didn't mean he was alone. He could only hope the scorpions didn't like being this close to the rocky hills. He took a deep breath and set himself, he'd have to run or risk it closing on him.

Ryan dashed across the sand, the moving surface dragging at his feet. He could almost sense the scorpions rising up to kill him and he just took a running dive though the anomaly. Hoping for the best and fearing for the worst.


	12. Could He Go On?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan wonders if he can - or should - continue his travels.

Ryan didn't risk another anomaly to the 21st century for weeks after that. He spent his time healing, hunting and considering all he had seen. He wasn't sure if he could – should – continue his quest. What if he never found a James he could be with? But, he knew he'd continue, he had to. He loved James. He needed to be with James. He couldn't just give up... where would he go? His own world was so many anomalies and months ago, Ryan was sure he had been listed as dead. Dead and buried in an empty grave next to James. Connor had known Ryan wasn't coming back, Ryan had seen it in the young genius' eyes as Connor had handed him the hand-wound radio and told him the frequency to use to detect open anomalies. 

Ryan turned the detector over in his hands as he considered his options... well, option. He could return to the world he had obtained the detector from, he was sure Christine would welcome him back to join her fight against... Ryan shook his head. The thought of not just giving up on James but actually fighting him was just too painful to be considered. Knowing that he'd see James, hear of his plots and know he was with the sick fucked-up bastard Ethan would just twist the knife deeper into the ragged wound where Ryan's heart had been.

He snorted, Connor would have loved the device he was staring at. A hand-held anomaly detector had to be far better than listening for the static on a radio station. Ryan chuckled, it was always possible Connor had invented the thing, him or that Anderson Quinn had mentioned when he had given Ryan the detector. His thoughts turning to his own world, Ryan wondered if his Connor had or would invent something similar. He had been, after all, been building the bigger version of this device when Ryan had left.

Ryan sighed. He couldn't help wondering what the ARC team were doing in his original world. He hoped they were still alive. He smiled, he hoped the professor was still annoying Johnson in that world, the man had a talent for it. 

He shook his head. That world was long gone, Ryan wasn't even sure he could even find it again. Not that he wanted to, going home would just be admitting defeat. That he had truly failed James. He had to continue.

***

Another day, another anomaly. Ryan was beginning to fear he was on a wild goose chase. What if he never found a James he could be with? Would he spend his life moving from one anomaly to another, becoming more and more disconnected from humanity? Was that what had happened to Helen? Her journal certainly became harsher in her opinions of humanity the further he had read, until her final chilling solution that humanity had to die for the world to be saved. Ryan had seen several references to '333' in her rants, he wondered if it referred to the ape-men and her corpse he had found the journal on? Maybe the professor would know? Ryan sighed, he didn't have anyone to show the journal to. He had no one. Maybe he should just find a world to live in and forget about James? But he knew he couldn't, he would continue searching forever, until he found James or he died himself.

Ryan sighed as he looked at the spinning shards and couldn't help wonder what his life would have been like without them. So many good men and women, so many innocent victims, lost to the creatures that spilled out of them, but he also would never had encountered the most snarky, sarcastic and witty man he had ever met. He would never have fallen in love with him, never kissed him, never made love. For all the pain and heartache the anomalies had brought, Ryan wouldn't have missed the posting for the world, for it also gave him James Lester. He drew a shuddering breath, it had also taken James from him. All for the greed and power and love-turned-to-hatred.

Closing his eyes for an instant and steadying his breathing, Ryan stepped through and dropped to a protective crouch on the far-side. He stared out at a ruined landscape. The buildings looked long abandoned, their windows shattered and their walls crumbling. The overgrown streets were lined with rusty cars. There was no sound except for the squeak of a wind-blown door. 

Ryan sighed softly and retraced his steps. There was little point searching for James in that desolate wasteland. He doubted anyone had survived whatever had destroyed the world.

***

Ryan didn't feel much hope left as he stared at the shards that spun in front of him. How many anomalies had he walked through? How much longer could he continue searching for James? He sighed as he stepped through and into a brightly lit room. He brought his rifle up immediately at the chaos that greeted him. Future Predators clung to the walls. A pair of raptors fought over the body of a Mer. A bellowing Scutosaurus blocked a doorway, backed into it by a Smilodon. He could hear the sounds of beating fists on a door and a gasp behind him. He turned to look into the shocked eyes of Stephen Hart as the man's mouth opened and closed soundlessly, apparently at the sudden appearance of one Captain Tom Ryan into the middle of... well, it looked like a trap to Ryan's trained eye.

Well, so much for keeping a low profile but the introductions could be done later. Right now, survival was paramount. Ryan pulled Stephen into a defensible corner and passed him a fully loaded pistol for protection. If they were lucky, the creatures would be too busy fighting and eating each other to bother with them. If not, he hoped they had enough ammo to stay alive if they made every shot count.

Ryan and Stephen stayed as still and silent as they could, barely breathing as they watched the carnage in front of them. Ryan shuddered at the amount of blood spilt on the floor, reminded of the slaughter at the ARC so many months before. Soon, only the Future Predators were left and as they clicked and chittered to each other, Ryan took a deep breath and aimed his weapon at the nearest of the creatures. He had no love for them. Ryan swallowed hard, they had killed... torn apart... his lover. He hated the bloody things.

Stephen proved to be as good a shot in this world as in Ryan's own as he dropped Predator after Predator. Ryan made sure his own shots counted as much, but he feared they wouldn't have enough ammo. It was taking too many shots to stop each of the creatures.


	13. After The Cage Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Events after the cage room - meeting new people.

The painful boom of the door being blown from its hinges was the best sound in the world to Ryan's ears, at least, it would be once they stopped ringing. The additional fire-power tore through the stunned Predators and allowed Ryan to slump against the wall as the adrenaline coursed through his body. He smiled ruefully when he glanced at the man collapsed beside him. Stephen was sporting an impressive post-combat hard-on. Ryan's smile faded, the professor would make short work of Stephen's erection... but Ryan's own would have to be sorted out by his own hand. He had no lover to return to. Not until he found his James.

***

Ryan smiled as he watched the professor pull Stephen into a hug and made him promise never to do anything so stupid again. That they could work their problems out. That he never wanted to lose Stephen. It was a feeling Ryan understood only too well. He couldn't help his smirk as the Scotsman’s expression changed from a mixture of fear and anger to one of speculation as he pressed against Stephen. He had a feeling that the two lovers would soon disappear to take care of Stephen's little problem. Especially when they began to snog as if no one else was present.

Ryan's thoughts were derailed as a familiar soldier snapped off a salute to him.“Sir? Captain Ryan?” Lyle's voice was a mixture of confusion and happiness. “I'm afraid you'll have to come with us, sir.”

Ryan nodded, relieved that he hadn't been thumped over the head this time. He had known this would happen, but he couldn't have left Stephen to die. To be torn apart by those bloody future nightmares. He still had his duty to these people, even if they weren't exactly his people. He couldn't leave someone to die when he could save them. It would make him no better than the original Leek or the Connor in that bloody fucked-up world. 

He followed Lyle out into the bright sunshine and smiled at the expressions on the faces of his former friends. He nodded to Claudia, once again dressed rather more extrovertly than he was used to. Ryan saluted smartly, for in James' absence she was his boss. “Ms Brown?”

Claudia shook her head at him. “No, Captain Ryan. I'm Jenny Lewis.” 

Ryan nodded. So, he was finally meeting the professor's mysterious Jenny Lewis. Maybe this was the world that the stubborn bastard had originally come from? Did that make the professor, the one he had just met, the version from his world? Maybe he should talk to him about it? If he could get any sense out of the man when he wasn't shagging Stephen senseless.

Connor grinned suddenly. “Hey. That means Nick really is from a different world. Lester's going to love that.”

Ryan swallowed hard, all thoughts of talking to the professor wiped from his mind. James was alive and by the sound of it, in charge of the ARC. He felt almost in a dream as he allowed Claudia... no, Ms Lewis and Lyle to usher him into a car. Watching the scenery as they drove to the ARC, Ryan let his mind wander. He knew he would be interrogated again, but would they just let him go if this world's James couldn't... wouldn't be his? Would saving Stephen's life be enough for them to just let him go? To continue his search? He'd been lucky last time, Christine had let him go... would he be as lucky now?

***

Ryan paced the interrogation room as he waited for his fate. He had patiently endured all the medical exams and answered all the questions put to him as well as he could. Now he could do nothing but wait. Wait and hope that James Lester would want to question him himself. Hope flickered and died and was re-lit in his heart that this world might be the end of his search.

Ryan spun as the door opened and he froze. His eyes devoured every detail of the man in front of him. Suited and booted as normal, although Ryan's expert eye noted he favoured one side. An injury of some description? Ryan took a step closer, he wanted to go to him, to make sure James wasn't badly hurt, but he couldn't. If it had been his James standing before him, Ryan wouldn't have hesitated to gather him in his arms and... but this wasn't his James. No matter how much Ryan hoped and, yes, prayed, that this James might be the one.

James quirked an eyebrow at Ryan's perusal. “Captain Ryan?”

“James...” Ryan stuttered to a halt before continuing, “Sir James?”

“I take it we were acquainted in your 'world'?” 

Ryan couldn't help smile at the disdain James put into that word. He really didn't like anything disturbing his well-organised world. The anomalies to the past had been bad enough, but parallel worlds on top of that? Ryan opened his mouth to answer before closing it. He both wanted to know if he and James could be together and feared the answer, so he settled for, “Sir?”

“Don't play dumb with me, Ryan.” 

Ryan realised that James' voice was tightly controlled, his emotions buried deep beneath a façade that only Ryan knew well enough to see past. “Sorry, James.” He took a deep breath. “Sorry, sir. We... that is he and I...” He shrugged helplessly. “It's complicated.”

James nodded and sighed and Ryan silently cursed as the tension in James' stance increased. James' voice was still tightly controlled as he asked, “In your world, you and he were lovers?”

Ryan couldn't reply, he could only nod and look away. He found himself unable to met James' eyes and see his hopes shattered... again.

“I see.” James' voice was devoid of warmth. “In this world, Captain Tom Ryan was killed in the Permian 10 months ago, following Helen Cutter into the past to search for a future anomaly.”

“Oh.” Ryan couldn't think of anything else to add. Nothing sensible anyway. He had so many questions to ask but... he couldn't. He wanted to hold onto hope for a little while longer. 

“That event didn't happen in your world?” 

“When Helen suggested using the Future Predator babies to locate the future anomaly?” At James' quirked eyebrow and nod, Ryan continued, “Yes sir. But it wasn't me who went through. It was a Captain Becker who was in charge. He didn't make it, sir. I joined the project later, sir, as his replacement.”

“I see.” James nodded thoughtfully. “Until I... we decide what to do with you, Captain, you are confined to the ARC.” 

“Sir.” Ryan felt his heart break as James just turned around and left without another word. Without the slightest sign that he saw Ryan as anything more than one of the ARC's soldiers. To have got this close and still have failed was agony. He sat down hard and rested his head in his hands. Ryan knew he couldn't remain here, not with James so close and yet so far away.


	14. Not As He'd Hoped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things don't quite go as Ryan hoped.

Ryan sighed softly as he stared at his meagre belongings piled neatly on his borrowed bed. It was a pity he had to leave. He had been made so welcome in this world, they had even asked him to stay, and not only because of his experience with the anomalies. He had almost been tempted, this world would have been perfect except for one thing - that James wasn't interested in him. Ryan didn't think he could stand working with the man but not be his lover. It would drive him insane to see James every day, to be so close to him and then have to walk away to his lonely bed. For all the friendships re-forged in his time here, Ryan knew he had to continue with his search. He just couldn't give up on his happiness. He needed to be with James, he wasn't complete without him.

He sat on his bed and pulled out the battered photo he'd kept close to his heart throughout his adventures. He smiled as he stared at it, remembering the day it had been taken by Stephen. James had just asked him to marry him and it had been the happiest day in Ryan's life. He and James had been arm-in-arm and smiling at the camera. So much in love. 

It was still hard for Ryan to believe that it had all fallen apart less than a month later and he had been left alone. Bereft. His heart ripped out of his chest and buried with his lover. It had hurt so much to be in the church burying James when they should have been there getting married that very day. He had hoped that this world would have restored his heart to him, but he should have known better. Ryan shook his head, it wasn't like him to get all melodramatic, he was a bloody soldier not a poet. 

A soft knock on the door had Ryan looking up into the sympathetic faces of Connor and Abby. He quickly hid the photo, it was too precious a memory to share. The two youngest members of the ARC exchanged glances loaded with conspiracy before Connor shrugged. Ryan's interest was piqued and he quirked an eyebrow at them. He frowned as the pair grinned back at him. 

“No doubt about it. You're Lester's lover in your world. You've got his eyebrow thing down perfectly.” 

Ryan couldn't hide his flinch or his look of pain at Connor's words. 

“Connor!” Abby hissed as she elbowed him in the ribs. 

“Ow.” Connor rubbed his side and looked at Abby in confusion. “What was that for?”

Abby ignored him, instead asking Ryan, “You and Lester really were together?”

“In my world.” Ryan was somewhat surprised at the bitterness in his voice. 

Abby nodded thoughtfully as she looked at the pile of belongings and awaiting rucksack. “Which is why you are leaving us?”

Ryan nodded. “I can't stand being near James but not...” He shook his head. “I will miss you.”

“And we will miss you.” Abby pulled Ryan into a hug. 

Connor shuffled his feet before looking up at his girlfriend. “Abby?”

“Connor!” 

Ryan had the feeling Connor had just put his foot in something and looked enquiringly at both of them. “What have you got planned?”

Connor answered far too quickly for Ryan's peace of mind. “Nothing.”

Ryan sighed and then caught the glare Abby shot Connor. Oops. Someone was going to be sleeping on the settee tonight.

****

Ryan rolled his eyes as he followed Abby and Connor down the corridor. He now knew that they were planning on throwing him a leaving party, the glances Connor kept shooting Abby merely confirmed Ryan's suspicions. As much as he hated the very thought of it, of saying goodbye to James, Ryan knew he had to. They had given him so much in his time here, the least he could do was to attend. No matter how much it hurt to see James but not be able to touch him. To hold and kiss and... No, Ryan. Not a good place to go, an inappropriate erection is not on, certainly if it is a leaving do you're being dragged to.

****

Ryan sighed in relief, the party hadn't been as bad as he had feared. He had been presented with various useful little gifts to take on his travels. He tried to smile and be enthusiastic as he opened each one, but his eyes kept being drawn to the closed office door of the absent James Lester.

Jenny's voice almost made him jump. “He's missed you too, Ryan.”

Ryan spun around and raised that trademark eyebrow. “What?”

Jenny smiled slightly before she continued, “I've seen the way you look at him, Ryan. When you think no one is watching.”

Ryan shrugged. “It doesn't matter. James... he isn't interested in me.”

“I wouldn't be so sure about that, Ryan. I've seen the way he looks at you too.” Jenny smiled at Ryan's confusion. “I never knew you in this world, Ryan. You died before I joined the project. But I do know James took your death hard. Very hard.”

Ryan narrowed his eyes. “Why would he?”

“Oh, Ryan.” Jenny chuckled. “Why do you think?” She pushed him in the direction of James' door. 

Ryan looked at her in shock. Could she mean what he thought she meant? It would explain James' reactions when they had first met in the interrogation suite. Ryan shook his head, he couldn't risk his heart breaking again. He still woke at night, his heart hammering in his chest as his mind replayed that terrible day. It hurt too much and Ryan couldn't face that pain again when this James rejected him. “I can't.”

Jenny sighed. “Please, Ryan. Just promise me you will think about it before you leave.”

****

Ryan had his rucksack packed and was ready to go as soon as the ADD located an open anomaly. He pulled out Helen's journal and stared at it for a moment before nodding. He would leave it with the professor and Connor, they would make more use of it than a simple soldier. It was a small way to pay back all that they had given him. He was sure the professor would like to have it for purely sentimental reasons... although, Ryan wasn't sure he should tell the man how he had come by his ex-wife's journal. It would be enough of a shock to read that Helen had killed him. Bloody hell, should he give it to him after all? Ryan stared at the journal and tried to think what was best. They had done so much for him and Ryan knew he had to give the professor the chance to save himself from his mad ex-wife. He couldn't let the man die and leave his lover bereft, all alone and desolate; Ryan knew how much that loss hurt.

The knock on his door was a welcome distraction from his thoughts. He turned and smiled when he caught sight of his visitor, “Lyle?”

“Sir.” 

Lyle smiled in a way that had Ryan tense, he knew his bloody second was planning something. God, wasn't the party enough? Although, if he was on about a few pints down the local Ryan might reconsider, who knew when he'd next get the chance of some proper pub grub. Ryan smiled as Finn appeared with a six-pack and glanced back over his shoulder. “All clear, boss.”

“Good.” Lyle motioned for Ryan to lead the way, continuing as they walked. “We're got a little space in the menagerie. One of the unused pens where no one will disturb us and we won't disturb anyone either.”

“And one six-pack will last us how long?” 

“We're got more.”

As they reached the menagerie, Finn managed to trip over his own feet and Lyle sighed. “Just in there, boss.” He pointed to one of the closed pens and walked towards Finn, Ryan assumed to help Finn back to his feet or possibly, and more likely, to rescue the six-pack. “Bloody hell, Finn, sometimes I wonder how you don't shoot your own feet.”

Ryan chuckled softly before he opened the pen door and stepped inside. No one else was present, what the hell was Lyle playing at? And there were only two chairs. He heard the door start to close behind him and spun around to meet the grinning face of Abby as she stood looking in through the gap in the closing door. “What the fuck?”

Ryan paced the cell, for that was what it was. Had something gone wrong? Had they decided not to let him leave after all? He didn't know, and after his experiences in – he really did need to start naming the parallel worlds he'd visited – OK, since it had appeared to be the mirror image of his own, Mirrorworld. Ryan smiled slightly, Connor would have loved that name...

Movement outside the cell drew Ryan's attention and he moved to one side of the door, ready to leap out and attempt to escape. He could hear voices... was that James? Yes, he was talking to someone about Monty. Who the hell was Monty? Ryan shook his head, did it matter who this Monty was? Possibly, a little voice in his head muttered, if he's an interrogator.

Ryan tensed as footsteps approached, getting ready to pounce and... no doubt get caught by the armed guards waiting outside. Maybe he should just hear them out and see what was going on, it might all be a mistake... who was he kidding? Ryan decided he would have to take his chances – until he heard James' voice just outside the door. He couldn't attack his... well, James, he just couldn't. 

Ryan moved into the shadows and waited with a heavy heart as a crack of light appeared in the door and it slowly opened to reveal James peering into the gloom. 

“Why did you move him?” James sounded confused as he half-turned to look over his shoulder.

Ryan's heart froze as he realised this might be a coup, that James might be as much a victim as he was. But before he could yell out a warning, James gave a yelp as he was shoved inside and the door clanged decisively closed, leaving them standing in the deepening gloom. 

Ryan's softly muttered, “Fuck,” the only sound in the pen.


	15. Inside The Locked Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lester and Ryan are forced to talk.

“My sentiments exactly, Ryan.” James' well-known, well-loved voice sounded remarkably calm for a man who had just been betrayed and thrown into a cell by his own people. 

Ryan blinked and raised his hand to shield his eyes as the lights flickered on, letting him see the face of one rather annoyed-looking James Lester. 

James raised his voice, “Abby. Open this door now!” 

Ryan took the time to look at James, he was certainly not happy and Ryan had to wonder if Abby knew what she was doing: James was not a good person to cross. 

“Sorry, Lester. But it is for your own good,” Abby called back. 

“Abigail Sarah Maitland, this is quite enough. I order you to open this door. You have five seconds before I fire you.”

Ryan could hear the muted voices of several people standing on the other side of the door. He shook his head as he wondered how many people where involved in this... mutiny didn't seem quite the right word. 

Jenny's voice sounded. “I'm terribly sorry, James. But if you fire Abby, you'll have to fire most of your staff along with her.”

James rubbed the bridge of his nose and sighed, “You're in on this as well, Jenny?”

“It's for your own good, James,” Jenny replied. 

“Really? And it hasn't occurred to any of you that I know what is best for me?”

“No, James, not when you're being a stubborn fool.” 

James blinked at Jenny's blunt comment and turned to look at Ryan with a quirked eyebrow. “And you, Ryan? Are you in on this?”

Ryan shook his head. “No, sir.” He just hoped James believed him.

James sighed again. “Fine. What do you mutineers want?”

It was Jenny who answered. It appeared she had been elected spokeswoman and Ryan supposed that as the PR person, she probably was the right person for the job. “It is very simple, James.” Ryan heard James snort as she continued, “We will let you both out on two conditions.”

“And those are?” James did not sound very happy, and Ryan was glad he wasn't going to be on the receiving end of the man's legendary sharp tongue. Not in that way and that really wasn't a thought to be having while trapped in here with James. 

“Firstly, that Captain Ryan stays in this world and works at the ARC with us.”

“Since I have already offered Captain Ryan a position here, I am at somewhat of a loss as to your reasoning.”

“That is the condition Ryan has to agree to for us to let him out, James.” 

James sighed, “And the condition you want me to agree to would be...?”

Jenny's voice held a no-nonsense note as she answered. “It is quite simple, James. You and Ryan have a date. A proper date, mind you.” Jenny paused before adding, “Lorraine will book you reservations at a suitable restaurant.”

“A meal for two?” James queried, his voice sceptical. “One meal and then... what? You'll leave me alone?”

Ryan felt a stabbing pain to his heart at James' response, at his rejection. Why did Abby and Jenny have to interfere? It was obvious that James didn't want him.

James met Ryan's eyes for a moment and then seemed to deflate as all the fight left him. “Fine. We agree to your terms. Now, let me out before I do fire the whole bloody lot of you.”

“Um,” Abby said. “We thought you could have a little chat first.”

“Abby!” James' voice sounded rather dangerous.

“Sorry, James,” Jenny added. “We feel you need to calm down before we let you out. Consider it a chance to get to know Ryan before your date.”

Ryan had to fight to keep the grin from his face. It looked as if James' people knew him well. A few hours would give him time to calm down. Although, Ryan would have preferred to have been on the other side of the door from an angry James. “Now what?”

James sighed and muttered something about ungrateful staff. “I should have realised Abby was plotting something.”

“Lyle mentioned a few beers,” Ryan added when James fell silent. “You think Abby put him up to it?”

James sighed softly. “Sometimes I think Abby sees herself as our resident matchmaker.” He quirked an eyebrow at Ryan. “She and Connor spent months trying to get Stephen and Cutter together.”

“Oh?” Ryan asked, his mouth suddenly dry as he realised why he and James were locked in together. 

“Yes, oh,” James replied.

“Why us?” Ryan's mind went back to his leaving party. To Jenny inferring that James was interested in him... or the him of this world. Ryan sighed softly, this parallel world thing was bloody confusing.

James took a deep breath and slowly released it. “In this world, Ryan and I were lovers. We had...” He choked off whatever he had been about to say and stood so brittlely that Ryan thought he'd snap in the slightest breeze. “Why did you come here, Ryan?”

Ryan closed his eyes and gathered his courage, this was the moment his hopes would be shattered into a thousand pieces. He opened his eyes and looked into James as he answered, “To find you. I...” His voice cracked and Ryan took a moment to swallow as his mouth felt bone dry. “I needed to find you. To be with you. I love you.”

James shook his head and dropped his gaze. “No, Captain Ryan. You loved your James.” His voice barely a whisper, “As I loved my Ryan.” James looked up at Ryan and he was surprised to see unshed tears in James' eyes. “Neither of us are that man.” 

Ryan took a step closer and met James' eyes, his own pleading. “Why can't we be?”

James shook his head and sighed. “Because, you might be a Captain Ryan, you may wear his face, but you are not the man I fell in love with.” 

Ryan sighed, he knew he wasn't James' Ryan, just as this James wasn't the same man who had died in Ryan's arms all those months ago. Was this to be his fate, destined to wander from world to world and every James he ever met seeing him as a poor copy of their Tom Ryan? Ryan took a deep breath. But he, they, could try, couldn't they? “I know that, James. But I've spent so many months looking for you, can't we just try?”

James ran a hand through his hair, mussing it in a rather distracting way. “I can't be the first James Lester you've found on your travels?”

“No, sir.” Ryan shook his head, both in response to James' question and in an attempt to stop thinking certain thoughts about the man locked in with him. “The first time I found you was an eye-opener.” When James quirked an eyebrow in interest, Ryan continued, “You were married to Helen Cutter, um, I suppose she'd be Helen Lester.” 

“Please tell me I didn't have such poor taste.”

Ryan nodded. “Afraid so, James. You did have two adorable-looking children.” His lips twitched at the look of disgust on James' face. Ryan couldn't help himself, he had to add, “Although the world with you fucking Leek,” Ryan shuddered. “That image is still burned into my mind.”

James just stared at Ryan. “Please tell me that is a joke.” 

“Sorry.”

“Oh god.” James sat down hard on a chair. “That's not even bad taste.”

“Actually, you were the bastard there.” Ryan smiled as he sat in the chair opposite James, their knees almost touching. “James? What do we do now?”

James sighed again and meet Ryan's gaze. “You stay in this world and we go on a date.” When Ryan winced at the distaste James put on the word 'date', James added, “You are my lover's doppleganger, not my lover.” He sighed bitterly as he continued almost to himself, “Why can't my staff leave well enough alone?”

Ryan swallowed as he heard James' words, uncertain if he was supposed to have heard and deciding to pretend he hadn't. “I know you aren't my James. But I'd still like to get to know you. No strings.”

James sighed heavily and glared at the locked door before he agreed, somewhat half-heartedly, “No strings.”


	16. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Lester have their first date.

Ryan sighed softly as James had strolled off without a backward glance once they had been released from the pen. He glared at Abby as she approached one of the other pens and stalked over to talk to her. Ryan's voice was bitter as he asked her, “Why?”

Abby turned and blinked at him. “Why what?”

“Why did you have to interfere? James isn't interested in me. He's still grieving for his Ryan.”

She gave him a sad smile. “I know. But he has to move on, Ryan.”

“And I'm the best candidate? The double of his lover? A man whose very face must be like a knife through his heart?”

“James is being a stubborn fool, Ryan.” Jenny's voice almost made Ryan jump. “I... we don't want to add to James' grief. Or your own.”

Ryan's eyebrow almost disappeared into his hair as he asked, his voice full of incredulity, “You don't? You have a bloody strange way of showing it.”

“No.” Jenny sighed. “If you leave here without trying to see if you and James could have something, you will always wonder about it. So will James. He'll wonder for the rest of his life if he's lost you twice. It will eat away at him, Ryan and he'll never move on with his life. I don't want him to live with regrets and what might have been.” She meet Ryan's angry gaze. “I don't want either of you to live like that.”

Ryan nodded reluctantly. “And this date will prove to us both if we could make it or allow us to move on, knowing we tried?” A loud trumpeting made Ryan start and he stared at the shuddering closed door of the pen. “What the...?”

Abby laughed. “Oh, that's Monty. He wants his apples.”

“Monty?”

“Columbian mammoth from an anomaly on the M25,” Abby told him before her voice dropped to a confidential whisper. “Lester likes him.”

Ryan quirked his eyebrow in a way that made both women smile, and he knew he had copied James' mannerisms again. He sighed before asking, “He does?”

“Oh yes. Monty saved his life from the Future Predator Leek released into the ARC.”

Ryan's heart thudded painfully in his chest and his knees almost buckled. 

“Ryan?” Jenny's voice sounded so concerned. “Are you all right? Abby, call Ditzy.”

Ryan shook his head. “I'm fine.” Jenny raised an unconvinced eyebrow at him and Ryan continued, “We had the same anomaly, but we sent the mammoth home.” His voice cracked, “If I hadn't..?”

Jenny shook Ryan's shoulder. “You can't second guess what might have happened. As I understood it, your ARC was invaded by four or five Predators.”

Abby nodded as she added, “Even Monty couldn't have seen off that many.”

Ryan rubbed his face. “In other words, Monty's presence wouldn't have changed a damn thing.” 

Jenny tugged on Ryan's sleeve. “Right. One hot, sweet tea and you can tell me all about this Claudia Brown Cutter's spent the last several months going on about.”

Ryan smiled. He knew Jenny was trying to distract him and he was quite willing to let her.

****

Ryan woke early and stared at his clock in confusion until he remembered why he was awake at this ungodly hour. Today was his date with James. He was short with Connor when the boy invited him to join him and Abby for breakfast. The hurt in the puppy-dog eyes had Ryan quickly apologising and a knowing smirk on Connor's face. The rest of the day passed in a blur. Every time Ryan had a spare moment and started to brood, someone – Connor, Abby, Lyle or another of the soldiers, even the professor and Stephen – was there to distract him. It seemed to be an ARC-wide campaign to keep him from worrying about their date. Everyone except Jenny, who apparently aided by someone called Lorraine, was keeping an eye on James and making sure their snarky boss didn't yell at anyone who didn't deserve it. Apparently, he wasn't the only one worried about their date. Ryan couldn't decide if that was a good thing.

****

Ryan leaned back in his chair and watched as James savoured the expensive and apparently excellent brandy. In Ryan's opinion the meal had gone well, far better than he had dared hope. The food had been excellent, the company even more so.

It had been hard to begin with, neither man comfortable to talk, too concerned they might mention something painful to the other. Soon they had found themselves commenting on the food and that led to small-talk. There had been the occasional hiccup when one of them mentioned some event the other knew nothing of. But slowly, the evening had become easier as they found common ground. Ryan had been so happy to discover that this James Lester was so similar to his own, even though he knew he'd never forget his original James. Just as James would never forget his own Ryan. Ryan almost sighed as he remembered that this James Lester was only here because Jenny and Abby had made him agree to it. 

James paid the bill over Ryan's protests, silencing them efficiently by reminding Ryan he had no money in this world. Ryan sighed softly as they stepped out into the cool evening air, the soft drizzle seemingly apt for the sadness Ryan knew was about to come. He had no wish for this evening to be over, for his one date (even forced) with the man beside him to be at an end. But James would be going home and Ryan had a lovely bed at the ARC with his name on it. 

Ryan toed the uneven paving stone with his shoe as he took a deep breath. This was the moment of truth. “So, James. Now what?”

James seemed equally at a loss. “Did you have a pleasant evening, Ryan?”

“Sir?”

“James, remember?” James smiled slightly. “It is a simple question...”

Ryan blinked. Had he had a pleasant evening? Of course he bloody well had. But it made this part the hardest. When James thanked him for his time and they went their separate ways. His rucksack was still packed and Ryan knew he would be gone as soon as a suitable anomaly opened, to continue his search for a James Lester who wanted him. A James who needed Ryan as much as Ryan needed him. 

“Ryan?” James' eyebrow was quirked as he waited for Ryan to answer. 

“It was lovely.”

“Good.” 

“James?” Ryan asked in confusion. 

James looked uncharacteristically nervous as he looked around as if to check they were alone. “Ryan.” 

Ryan swallowed as James stopped and licked his lips. “James?”

James seemed to be having an argument with himself before he sighed and ran a hand through his hair, mussing it in a way that made him look even sexier. “Ryan. I was wondering. That is.” James took a deep breath. “Would you care for a second date?” 

Ryan just looked at James in shock. His mind numb as his thoughts whirled. James wanted a second date? Without anyone pushing him into it. 

James dropped his gaze and nodded, his stance once more brittle. “I see. I'll see you at the ARC tomorrow, Ryan. We can have you on your way as soon as possible.”


	17. Finally Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Lester finally get things right.

It was only when James turned to walk away, his shoulders slumped in dejection, that his words penetrated Ryan's dazed mind. “NO!” Ryan's yell had several heads turning to see what the commotion was about before all but one lost interest when nothing else happened. Ryan met James' eyes. “I'd love a second date, James.”

James seemed to deflate as the tension left his body and a slight smile played across his face. “Good.” He looked up and down the street before adding, “Could I drop you off at the ARC, Ryan?”

Ryan grinned. “Thanks, that would be great.” Tonight had gone far better than he had ever dared hope.

****

The next morning, Ryan walked along the corridor leading to the menagerie with a spring in his step and a smile on his lips. For the first time in Ryan didn't know how long, he felt hope stir in his heart. Real hope that he had found a home, rather than the dreams and fears he had carried for so long.

As soon as Ryan entered the menagerie, Connor almost bounded up to him. “Well?” Connor asked, his face a mixture of eagerness and concern. 

Abby snorted. “Connor!” She looked up and smiled as she saw Ryan. “From your smile, I assume it went OK.”

Ryan nodded. “Bloody fantastic.” At the pair's curious look, Ryan added, “He's asked me out on a second date.” He laughed as Abby grinned and Connor let out a whoop of success. This world was turning out far better than Ryan had ever dared to dream.

****

Ryan couldn't keep the grin from his face as he lay on his bed in the ARC. His second date with James had gone slightly smoother. Both men still wary but the conversation over dinner had started earlier and progressed with few painful pauses than their first.

Even better, when James had dropped Ryan back at the ARC, this time he had climbed out of the driver's seat instead of driving off as soon as the passenger door had clicked close. James had stepped closer, into Ryan's personal space, and pressed a quick and chaste kiss to his lips. James had quickly stepped back a few steps and smiled at the look on Ryan's face.

Ryan stood stunned as he had licked his lips, the taste of James short-circuiting his mind for an instant before he smiled widely and took a step closer to James. He stopped when he noticed the man shake his head and retreat. “James?”

“I can't rush into this, Ryan.” James' voice was quiet and Ryan detected a slight wobble. “You aren't him.”

Ryan swallowed and calmed his pounding heart. He understood exactly what James was saying, the presence of two ghosts lay between them, almost like a physical barrier. “And you aren't my James.” He smiled softly as he suggested, “One step at a time?”

James nodded as he agreed, “One step at a time.”

****

Several dates later, Ryan smiled at the easy comradeship he and James had. They found common interests and although they had progressed no further than chaste kisses, Ryan felt they were getting closer.

James' sigh had Ryan turn to face him. “Ryan...”

“James?” Ryan hadn't seen James lost for words on many occasions and wondered what its cause was. He hoped James wasn't having second thoughts about their relationship. Ryan wasn't sure he'd survive rejection, not now, not after having come so far in their relationship.

“Would you like to come back to my place for a drink?” James asked and then looked down, a slight blush on his cheeks. “God, that sounds so corny.”

Ryan snorted. “It does and I'd love to.”

****

“Make yourself comfortable,” James told Ryan as they entered his flat. “Would you like a coffee?”

Ryan nodded, “Yes, please.” He watched James until he vanished into the kitchen before taking the opportunity to look around James' flat. Seeing it was like coming home to Ryan and he shivered – it was exactly the same as his original James'. A scuff mark had Ryan quirk an eyebrow, OK so it was not exactly the same. His curiosity roused at the damage his own James would never had allowed, Ryan continued to look around the flat. He smiled as he found the artwork on a wall – several in a variety of clashing colours and styles – and he peered closely at them when he noticed something written on them. 'Marcus, 9', 'Alison, 6' and a rather talented landscape signed by 'Felix, 13'.

“My children's.” 

James' voice almost made Ryan jump and he spun around. “Children?”

James tilted his head and raised a curious eyebrow. “Am I to assume that your James wasn't married?”

Ryan nodded. “He was a confirmed bachelor.” 

“You mean, he was gay?” 

Ryan nodded. “I always thought he'd make a wonderful father.” He sighed softly, “His nephews and nieces loved him, they were heartbroken when he...” Ryan's voice trailed off. 

“Died.” James finished for him. “Does it matter to you that I'm bisexual, that I'm divorced with children?”

Ryan shook his head. “No, you are still James. Just a different one.” He swallowed, “James?” He reached out a hand to caress James' face. “I've been to so many worlds looking for you. Please, have I found you?”

James leaned into Ryan's touch. “I have missed you.”

Ryan smiled broadly before it faded somewhat. “What about my death?”

James waved his hand dismissively. “A mere technical hitch.” He smiled at Ryan's confused expression before adding, “If you think I can't resurrect you from the dead, you have a bloody poor opinion of my abilities.”

“Never doubted you. Never will,” Ryan quickly replied. “Um.” Could they do this? Could he fall in love with this new James? Ryan thought so, he just hoped James could fall for him.

“We do this one step at a time, remember, Ryan. One step at a time,” James answered Ryan's unspoken question. 

Ryan nodded and gently tugged on James' arm. He smiled as James stepped closer and they kissed. It started off gently, a mere pressing of their lips together. A trial kiss, almost ghost-like and Ryan had to suppress his shiver at that thought. But soon, arms wrapped around the other and their kiss became hard, more passionate. All those months of pent up emotions and needs. Ryan buried his fingers in James' hair as they snogged each other senseless. 

Finally breaking for air, Ryan stared into James' desire-darkened eyes, and knew he was finally home, that today was the beginning of his new life with James. A smile tugged at Ryan's lips as he wondered how similar to his original this James Lester would be and what differences he would discover... and the fun he – they – would have finding out.


End file.
